Happy VD!!

Valentine's Day is so lame.

It used to be cute, in elementary school. I remember making an "elaborately" decorated brown paper bag to hold the valentines I got from all my classmates. I remember carefully choosing the valentines I was going to give, always choosing an extra sweet and mushy one for the guy I had a crush on.

Yeah, those were the days.

This is actually my first year with a real valentine. I was talking to Mikey last night, right around midnight, and he asked me ever so very sweetly, "Would you be my valentine?"

I nearly melted into the carpet.

We already exchanged gifts and cards sent through the mail. It was lovely. It's nice to have a valentine, but I can't say it really makes a big difference. VD is just another day, and being in the situation I'm in, any day I can spend with Mikey is special.

So who needs VD? Not me!

I still think it's cute, for other people. There was an engagement today in my family. I'm very happy for them.

I guess VD isn't that lame. Maybe I'm bitter I can't be with Mikey. Maybe I'm just tired, I had to wake up early after going to sleep late to finish homework, and I'll have to do that again tonight.

Blah. Happy VD.

Tag - You're It!

I've never responded when I've been tagged by Sam, and I always feel bad about it afterwards, because usually by the time I remember I've been tagged, way too much time has passed. I just read that I've been tagged so I will perform my being "it" duties for once. By the way, I saw this one on Dooce's blog, so that's pretty cool, makes me feel like a real blogger.

Four jobs that I've had:

Have I even had four jobs? Let's see, in order...

1. The Coffee Co.: Learned to make a variety of coffee drinks and realized that Starbucks really was a scam, they make you pay extra for taking up all the room in your cup with frothed milk that covers up that fact that only 1/3 of the cup is filled with a shot or two of espresso.

2. The Party Co.: (I like Co.'s I guess) I learned to blow up balloons like a pro., if there is such a thing as a "professional balloon blower upper".

3. Old Navy: I worked here for two days, decided clothes retail was not for me, and never returned. Less than a week later I left for London so I wasn't feeling too bad.

4. Banner's Hallmark: Eh, it's okay. I make money. It's how I met Mikey!

Four movies I could watch over and over:

1. Almost Famous
2. Y Tu Mama Tambien
3. Fight Club
4. Hotel Rwanda

and many more...

Four places that I have lived:

I haven't lived in four places!

1. Annandale, VA as a fetus/infant
2. Fairfax, VA as a young child
3. Alexandria, VA since I was 10.

I don't get around much.

Four TV shows I watch:

I'd say House but I work every Tuesday now so I can never see it anymore. It's so sad. I miss Hugh!

1. Project Runway
2. CSI (only the original in "Vegas Baby!!")
3. anything on VHI, is that a valid answer?
4. Sex and the City

Four places I've vacationed:

1. El Salvador
2. Sandusky, Ohio (Ohio is an odd state)
3. Orlando, Florida (Disney World of course)
4. London, England

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. arroz con leche
2. chili with sausage
3. seafood pasta made by mom
4. burgers and fries

Four sites I visit daily:

Sadly, I don't have that kind of time, so weekly...

1. Dooce (and can you tell I worship her?)
2. Sam
3. Ash
4. Mine!
Four places I'd rather be:

1. CNU NEWPORT NEWS, VA!!!!!
2. The Black Bird in London
3. Livingston Manor, NY (only in the summertime)
4. Oasis, my hooka away from home

And now, I will tag Ash and Leticia.

Dooced

I've been dooced by my boyfriend's parents. My blog has been discovered and due to its contents, I have been branded as evil.

Shit.

Excuse my language.

Actually, don't excuse my language. This is MY blog. I can say SHIT if I want. Even if Mikey's parents will read it. I'm "old enough" to say SHIT. I shouldn't have to feel bad about it. Even if Mikey's parents will read it.

I'm sorry. Please excuse my language.

I feel like shit. I feel like a criminal. I feel like a bad influence. I feel like a bad person.

I'm really not.

I know I definitely do things that parents would not approve of, mine including, but I'm 18 years old and I have an insane thirst for experience. I don't plan on doing these things all my life, and I would definitely defend the fact that I am not squandering my life away drinking, smoking, doing drugs, getting tattoos and having sex. Yes, I have done these things, I will not deny it and I will not be ashamed of it. It does not make me a bad person. It makes me human. I know not everyone has done what I've done, and that's fine. I never pressure anyone to accept my lifestyle or to make it theirs. I'm not a missionary. All I ask is for the same consideration from those who are against it, and not to be judged for only a fraction of what makes up my personality.

Besides all my "evil" vices, I also enjoy music and photography, the company of my family and friends, and travel...I write about these things too.

I don't often write about the "everyday" because everyone who reads my blog knows me and probably knows what my life is like right now. Most of the week I'm concerned about putting myself through college, my parents getting divorced, my mother who just had brain surgery to cure her life long epilepsy, my job, and the fact that I'm basically supporting myself right now. My parents provide me with a home and a car, and not much else. I pay my cell phone, my gas, my car insurance, my food and clothes, and anything else I might need. It's hard, it's stressful, but I do it so that someday soon I will be able to really support myself entirely, and continue to educate myself and experience everything I want to. Despite the stresses, I enjoy my life, and I have control over my future.

I am very proud of myself, and I don't appreciate being judged and branded as a bad person by anyone. I don't like having to defend myself, and I hate that I even care what others might think of me, but the truth is that I'd rather expose and attempt to defend myself than loose a good friend and a wonderful boyfriend.

I'm really a good person.

I'm a good person because my mother taught me to love my family and to always be cautious. My father taught me to think for myself and to value education. They've both always been very honest with me and I love them, even when I hate them.

I'm a good person because I have friends and family who love me, and who are proud of me and who support me and who understand me. I don't have to explain myself to them, they know everything about me and think I'm wonderful.

I'm a good person because I am happy with myself, and I'm happy with the life I've had.

Maybe I'm just be a foolish teenager, but many say I'm wise beyond my years.

I'm Alive

I will say this very happily: I am not the same person I was when I wrote my last entry. Reasons...

1. My mother successfully had brain surgery on the 18th to remove a malicious piece of brain that has caused her to have a unique form of seizures 3-16 times a month since she was 5 years-old. She's recovering now, hasn't had any bad side effects, and is expected to be well for the rest of her life.

2. I had my wisdom teeth, two on the bottom, removed on the 20th. I was foolishly looking forward to a few days of narcotic pain killer filled fun and rest. Instead I developed the worst possible post wisdom teeth removal condition, dry sockets, and have spent the last two weeks in EXCRUCIATING PAIN. A dry socket is when a blood clot does not form within the wounds to protect the ultra sensitive and newly exposed nerve endings. Dry sockets hurt badly, and Vicodin did not help at all. I spent many a sleepless teary-eyed nights.

3. To make matters worse, I learned today that my excruciating dry socket was caused and being constantly made even more excruciating by my SMOKING. I know I said I'd quit, and I did cut down even more to practically nothing, but apparently it wasn't enough. I felt like a fool when the doctor told me, and I cried. I cried because I felt stupid, I cried because I was ashamed, I cried because I had been causing myself the pain and discomfort that made me want to die. I didn't cry in of the doctor though; I was alone in my car, and I cried again when I called Mikey and told him. I've sworn off all smoking for AT LEAST until my wounds heal completely and hopefully by then I won't want to smoke regularly at all anymore, ever again. Social smoking like I said before is still acceptable. I couldn't give up the hooka or drunk smoking.

4. I am falling in love. I can't believe it, or I can, but it's too good to be true. Mikey has been such a good friend to me since I met him last Spring, and now he's the best boyfriend I've ever had. It might sound cheesy, but we connect at such a deep and intense level...it's scary how easy and comfortable it is to accept the fact that I can't go a single day without talking to him, telling him how much I miss him and care for him. And he feels the same way. I took him back to school on Saturday the 14th, and we though we'd be able to go six weeks without seeing each other. We only lasted two. I packed my bags and raced down to CNU last Friday. I could only stay until Sunday morning, and it was wonderful but I already miss him desperately. It'll be another month, or 27 days until we see each other again.

Otherwise, life goes on as usual. School started on the 24th and my classes are great, the professors are great, the subjects I'm learning about are great. I'm still working, only four days/20 hours a week instead of the five days/30+ hours I was doing last semester. I've saved enough to take it easy for a while, and that's what I plan to do. Relax as much as possible, study and learn as much as possible, and enjoy the current flow of my life.