TOMORROW NEVER KNOWS

Hi. My life sucks.

2006-10-03T14:04:00.000-04:00

I've been fighting the urge to jump off the Woodrow Wilson for quite a few days now. It's not healthy, I know, but my life has really reached a point where I cannot withstand the pressure of everyday life. Mostly the financial pressure, the fact that just having the basics: food, cell phone, car, car insurance, gas, and school is costing me more than most people my age because my parents have disowned me.

No, not really, but practically.

I haven't said much to my mother besides "FUCK OFF" for almost a month. I'm fed up with her bitching at me for every little thing I do or say or don't do or don't say. She called the police on me TWICE for the most retarded reasons, which resulted in me just loosing sleep. I'm done with her. It kills me because I'd love to have a mother who was my best friend but with her, it's her way or the highway for everything, even the way I feel or talk or do things.

My dad isn't much help either just because he can't be, he's got a lot of financial responsibilities as well. And he's raising his girlfriend's three year old son, so he hasn't time for his first born daughter who is struggling though the muck of life. Today is his birthday too, he's 47.

Redouane won't be back for another week. I don't even want to think about how insanely terrified I am of seeing him again and dealing with him again and not knowing what's going to happy with us. I know the best thing for both of us would be just to forget about each other and move on with our lives, but I can't bare the thought of loosing the only person in this world that wants to love me and take care of me, even if it means changing my life drastically. If I loose him, I might really die.

Friends are almost nonexistent. Lisa and Leticia are basically the only people I talk to now, and bless them for being in my life. Lisa and I have become oddly closer lately, calling each other every day to check up on each other, calling after work, after school, etc. She and I are both really busy most of the time with school and work but it's nice to escape with her for a while by just going to eat dinner, or doing something else. Leticia has also been helping me out a lot since I don't even have internet access at home anymore. I know we still have some issues to discuss from weeks ago when she expressed a lot of things that I just want to deal with at the time, she had very bad timing, but hopefully once those things are settled it'll be even better.

I don't talk very often to Brian or Jessica, I just don't know what we'd talk about. How much my life sucks or how much their lives suck??? Hmmm. I did call Tyler last weekend to wish him a happy belated birthday. He's so gay, and he'll always hold a place in my heart but I think our lives just don't mesh very well anymore. People just grow apart sometimes.

Sara hasn't called in over a week. She didn't talk to me at iftar one night at Oasis and that was it. I'm not going to call her, I don't want to deal with her "I'm going to be a Muslim wife even though I'm not Muslim but I know everything about it because I'm so smart" attitude. Sara's a very smart woman, and she's really great but she's got some issues that I don't want to be a part of, namely her relationship with her fiancee and her relationship with their employer and his wife.

Sam's in London doing her own thing, and more power to her. I hope she's having fun for the both of us. I'm just to jealous and bitter with the world to bother to communicate with her much. I'm a horrible person.

I've replaced friends with a membership to a Bollywood movie rental place. The magic of those movies are that they are all over two hours long. They keep me entertained forever. So, Shah Rukh Khan and Kajol are my new best friends.

I've been neglecting my school work and now I've found myself with a research paper and a summary paper both due tomorrow neither of which I've done any work for. The pressure isn't so bad, I can work miracles in a few hours, but I just hate having so many other things floating around in my head and not letting me concentrate properly.

Maybe now that I've expressed myself a little bit I'll be able to concentrate. My life sucks, but I have to deal with it so I can pass my classes and earn a degree and go on with my life blah blah blah.

2 More Weeks

2006-09-26T10:00:00.000-04:00

If I had a laptop, I would write more often.

Redouane will be back in two weeks. Only 14 more days. Two weeks from today will be THE DAY. I can't wait. I can wait, I have been waiting, for six freakin' weeks. It's so cute, he sends me text messages mostly every day and for some reason there are never spaces in the messages so I'll get a "iloveyoubabygoodnightbegood". Be good. I've been good. I hope he's been good. Everytime we bring up the subject he has to insist that if he wanted to he could get a prostitute for the evertday low-low price of only $20. He wouldn't do that though, because it's Ramadan. Thanks baby, I wouldn't cheat on you because I love you too. The man can write it but he can't say it.

I'm anxious about him coming back. There is soooooooo much to figure out. My whole future depends on what happens when he comes back.

Sam left me. She's gone to London. I'm happy for her, it's about time. We've emailed a lot already since she left two weeks ago. Reading about her experiences so far makes me remember our trip, two years ago. It's funny to think back on it now. I always think about how those guys will never realize the maginitude of the impact they had on our young teenage lives. Massive. Gargantuan. Good times, good times.

Hopefully if finances allow, I'll be able to go visit Sam for New Year. She's coming to the states for Christmas, and then the plan is for me to fly back with her and we'll have another New Year's bash. That would be FLY.

School is still school and work is still work. I'm trying to be more social, and make friends, because I don't have many. Besides Lisa, Redouane, Sam, Leticia, and Jessica. And I only talk to Lisa on a daily basis. Lisa has no friends too. We're both best friend losers.

Class starts soon. Hopefully I'll update before 2007.

Strawberry Fields Forever

2006-08-15T03:01:00.000-04:00

I'm surprised my blog hasn't deleted itself from lack of usage.

There is so much going on in my head right now. I'm not surprised, I haven't thought about much other than Redouane for the past six months. That's okay, but it's almost like I've forgotten myself. I've used him, and the many situations we've been in as barrier against having to deal with anything that really matters. Like the status of my family, money issues, school, friends or a lack there of, and like I said I haven't even really dealt with my own well-being.

I haven't broken up with Redouane. He left for Morocco on Thursday. He'll be gone for two months. It seems like an eternity. Not only because I love him and miss him but because I know how fast people can change because of life. Two months is more than long enough for many things to happen, or not happen.

I forgot how emotional and analytical I can be when left alone.

I'm only 19, and I'm in a relationship with a 31 year old man. His age doesn't really mean much except that he's had more life experience. Sometimes, or really most of the time, I consider myself more mature than him. He's like nothing I've ever experienced with a guy, it's been my longest and most stable relationship so far. There are many wonderful things about him...we're both completely insane, he's smart; he knows how to read people like I can. I have fun with him, I've learned so much about his culture (Moroccan and Muslim). I feel safe with him, comfortable.

He wants to get married. Settle down and start a family. There are many issues surrounding that. It seems like getting married and having kids is just a blind goal for him. Whenever I make him consider the emotional and financial efforts that go into reaching this goal he freaks out. How can you get married and start a family without the right woman, without a home, without a stable enough job? As much as Oasis has been a sort of home for me, and his workplace for years, you can't have a family on shisha money.

Six months of considering marriage and children has made it seem like a good idea. I'm open to many options as long as I can reach my personal goals along the way. I want to be a teacher and I want to travel. I want a happy, healthy and forever-lasting marriage. I want well-rounded children. I don't ask for much else. I don't need riches or fame, just enough to support myself and my family and the only people I want to remember me when I'm gone is anyone whose life I've touched. I'm flexible.

Redouane wants me to be his wife. That would require me to become Muslim. Although he'd want it, I don't see myself being a hijabi; I know I can be a modest and dignified woman without being covered head to toe. He would want a son ASAP; that would be so much pressure. I'd have to be very traditional, which I don't mind, I'm a very traditional soul despite my modern lifestyle. I think marriage is a one time deal, no matter what happens. Children are required and should be plentiful, I want three, maybe more. Women should cook and clean and raise the children, the men should work and provide the money and be loving husbands and fathers. I don't mean to disrespect anyone who disagrees, but why should you fix something that isn't broken? That's the way it's been since the beginning of time. I will work if and when I want to, and be an independent person besides my family.

I'm considering it. It's too soon to decide. Redouane has to start behaving like the old man that he is. He'd have to start thinking more with his OTHER head, he one above his shoulders. He'd also have to be able to compromise with me on a few things. I'm still a baby, and he'd have to deal with me growing up and learning a lot. But I'm a fast learner.

Now that he's gone I'll be at home a lot more. I would usually take a bag with clothes and stay with him for days, or I'd be working or with friends. My "home" is basically just a place to store my shit and crash when Redouane was working (he works nights).

My mom has been liberated from her epilepsy and turned into something. She's 40, starting her life all over again. She's lost weight, she's getting a divorce, she doesn't have to worry about her illness, and she's dating a guy she's been friends with for at least 10 years. He's quiet and nice, very shy. He wants to buy a house with my mom.

My sister is 13 now, which means that she's starting to realize what life is all about. She's developing into J.Lo which isn't so great just because I know how men are. She doesn't. I'm happy that she's becoming a beautiful young lady, as long as she keeps her shit together. Right now she's at the stage in her life where her phone is permanently glued to her head and any disagreement results in her declaring her hatered towards us and running up to her room and slamming the door. Typical.

I still rarely talk to my dad. He's no longer the father that was the sun of my life. I don't know what he is now, and it's too painful to see how different he is. I can't even talk to him anymore, and it breaks my heart. I know he's tried to get me back to "daddy's girl" status but I feel so emotionally abandoned by him that it's just impossible to confide in him. He's like a stranger. He still gives me money, and does favors for me if I need it, which I'm grateful for, but it doesn't matter.

My friends are all still around...somewhere. Leticia is starting NOVA this fall and is steady with her boyfriend. Sam is moving to London is less than a month. Jessica has a lot of issues none which include me, and Lisa is still Lisa. I've made a relatively new friend, Sara, she's the queen of Oasis. Sara's done a lot of the stuff that I could only dream of doing in my lifetime and I've learned a lot from her but I've also realized a few things. Sara is 25 and although she's been through so much in probably the last decade of her life, she still gets lost sometimes. She still doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, she just knows what she believes in. I love her, she's a great person, and I only hope that like all of us we can find our way to whatever it is we're looking for.

I haven't got many friends. I should probably work on that. I'm not really looking for just friends though, I need relationships that will last, someone to talk to, someone who can relate. As great as my friends are, we all have so many fucking issues to deal with, we rarely have time for each other. It's pathetic. We all seem to have family issues, money issues, boy issues, school issues that are all-consuming. We're adults now, this is life. I have to remember that.

What kills me is that I'm having to learn how to deal with my ultimate fear: being alone.

Sometimes I want to continue the days of only a couple years ago, when there weren't so many responsibilities and I could hang out and party and do anything with my friends for hours every day. Sometimes I want to be a mommy and a wife.

Oh my God...I'm not a girl, not yet a woman. Sweet Jesus, Britney had it right all along.

Hopefully I won't end up like her though, that's a serious car crash...try to look away.

I think I will reach the end of that transition pretty damn soon though. I need stability, I need security, I need someone who cares about me as much as they care about themselves. I need what I had only a couple years ago with my dad and what used to be my family. In return I can do the same to whoever is willing. Is Redouane that person? He could be.

Random Thoughts: World Cup Semi-Finals

2006-07-01T18:03:00.000-04:00

Thanks to this 5" black and white portable TV made by COBY (whoever they are)...I've been able to watch most of the World Cup at work.

That picture is actual size. The clarity of the screen however, is not actual.

nonetheless I am ever grateful. I've been able to see many amazing goals including the ones made by Argentina's #8 and Beckham. I've seen plenty of SHIT calls by the referees, including countless yellow and red cards. I've seen many crazy fans. So, there have been good times and bad times. Recently more bad than good. Although Brazil lost today to France, which is good, both Argentina and England failed to make their penalty shots and lost to Germany and Portugal. I feel the sting of Argentina's loss the most, partially because some of those Portuguese players are absolutely gorgeous.

It's now down to four teams: Germany, Italy, Portugal and France. Germany plays Italy and Portugal is playing France and the winners of those two games will play each other in the championship in a week. The outlook is not so good. At least for me, because I don't like Germany. The chances of Italy beating Germany are not so great. Portugal vs. France I think will be a good match but I'm not sure that either of those teams can beat Germany either. I will cross my fingers though.

The only reason I would accept the championship for Germany is because they are playing at home and that would be nice for the German people. It would make for a great parties. Lots of national pride and beer and such. I can't imagine how much fun that would be. I don't think I'll even ever know what that feels like.

We will not discuss USA's performance at the Cup. We'll pretend it never happened.

I will now go continue the mourning of Argentina's loss. We'll just have to wait and see what happens next. At least it wasn't another Brazil/Germany match up. That would have been so boring. I still can't believe France beat them.

Although I don't REALLY care what happens now, my preference for the champion is:

1. Italy
2. Portugal
3. France
4. Germany

Maybe it'll be better in 2010. I'll be old then.

World Cup 2006

2006-06-08T22:25:00.000-04:00

It's like Christmas....for a month!!!

What determines if I like a team?

How much I like the people from that country
My past experiences with people from that country
The past success of the team
How much I like the country itself
The realistic chances of the team advancing
How cute the players on the team are
and of course the way they play. My methods are not completely bogus.

Based on these qualifications, these are my personal opinions on some teams...which are not meant to be completely serious or to offend anyone who is completely serious.

USA: If they are able to win the #1 spot in their group, which would mean beating Italy, there is still a chance in the quarterfinals. If they come in #2, they will most likely have to play Brazil, which means they should pack their bags before the game. I will still have faith for my motherland.

England: Not sure how Rooney is doing but apparently the hype is that they're not much without him. What ever happened to Beckham?? He got too cute. I hope Rooney recovers in time.

Germany: I know they're the host team, but I don't like stinkin' Germans. They're evil Nazis. And that wench Jessica is half German, speaks it and everything.

Mexico: I have a love-hate relationship with Mexico, but I have family in Mexico, and in Costa Rica, so I'd root for them. I'm not too sure if either team has much of a chance this year though.

Italy: I love everything Italian, and they're one of the top teams, so GOOO ITALY!!!

Brazil: They're the best, everyone knows it, they've won FIVE championships in a tournament that only happens every four years...that's impressive. I get it. I used to have the biggest crush on Ronaldo. But really, it's almost too much. Let another team have a little glory.

Tunisia: The only north African team in the Cup. I'd root for them based on that, but Redouane's roommate is Tunisian. He's a nice guy, but he's married, and he has two girlfriends, and he thinks it's funny. I'm not laughing.

Argentina: Usually I'd like them, the guys are so hot, but Redouane was married to an Argentinean a couple years ago and he's just a little too excited about the team for me not to be a little peeved. I still like them somewhat though, if they play well I'll probably end up loving them again.

Holland: Amsterdam....GO HOLLAND!!!!

So, to anyone who cares about this marvelous event which is about to start TOMORROW, have fun and go crazy because it only happens every four years.

"forgive me my weakness..."

2006-05-26T19:43:00.000-04:00

On the night of April 21st I went to LOVE with Redouane and Lisa. It's usually impossible to find a decent parking space, and being that LOVE is only blocks from a scary DC ghetto, a decent parking space will dramatically decrease the chances of your car being broken into or stolen. Unfortunately, the decent parking space I found was over a crosswalk that I didn't notice and I ended up getting a $50 ticket. That's not very decent.

Last Friday I realized that I still hadn't paid the ticket. It was the 19th, and if I didn't pay it before the 21st the fee would double. $100 is even less decent. Then I couldn't even remember where the ticket was, and after a while I realized that it was still at Redouane's apartment. I cursed myself for not remembering to bring it with me the last time I was at his place.

I had no choice but to call him. I hadn't talked to him or seen him since we decided to be friends that past Tuesday. After four days with no contact I was starting to recover, starting to get into a new routine, starting to accept that I couldn't be with him. To others, four days might not seem like enough time to recover but I spent mostly every day with him for almost two months. No contact with him for four whole days felt like an eternity. I knew calling him was a mistake but I couldn't afford not to.

I called him Friday night as he was getting to work. He was very nice on the phone and kindly agreed to stop by after work. He works 12 hour shifts from 7pm-7am so I went to sleep, still cursing myself for not paying the damn ticket.

He called at 8am to tell me he was outside my house. I went out and asked him if he wanted to come in. I shouldn't have done that. I should have just grabbed the ticket and ran like hell. He agreed, and came in. He gave me the ticket and a my t-shirt from the Strokes concert that I didn't even know I'd left there. I gave him back a few things that I had, and then we sat, at a distance. Neither one of us said anything for a while and then he told me he had a problem. I asked him what his problem was. He told me that there is a girl he likes, and he knows that she likes him, and they had been dating, but she doesn't want to talk to him anymore and he doesn't know what to do and he's really sad about it.

Redouane never speaks plainly. He'll use metaphors, examples from his life or the lives of others, stories, he'll make up hypothetical situations. It's cute most of the time, and when he told me about his "problem" I couldn't help but smile. I told him that maybe although the girl did like him a lot, she didn't want to have to deal with all the frustrations that went into dating him. I was even able to elaborate without getting emotional, which I hadn't been able to do before. I'd usually get flustered, or angry, or start crying. As I spoke, I could see that he finally realized how I felt, and he apologized.

A few minutes later I sat with him and he started to cuddle with me. He told me he missed me and that he would behave if I wanted to get back together. I couldn't resist. We ended up spending the day together.

It's been almost a week now and there has been improvement. He doesn't talk about other girls, he doesn't talk to other girls when I'm with him, and I can see that he's watching himself, he's trying to be less of a manwhore. It's a hard habit for him to break, he's been a manwhore for a decade. He's actually taking me seriously now, and that's all I was asking for.

I can't say that this is a happy ending. There is still the issue about the wife in Morocco. I have to wait and see if he'll continue to behave. It's just a second chance for the both of us. I can't say I was always right in the relationship. We'll just have to wait and see.

"Cheated Hearts"

2006-05-20T01:11:00.000-04:00

Ash -

I'm sorry that you didn't know that Sam and Jon were friends and that they get along really well. I understand that must be a surprise to you especially since Jon was/is a good friend of yours. I didn't mean to be insensitive by writing that they are "potential lovers". I thought that although what you and Sam had together was very lovely and wonderful, you haven't really spoken to each other in about five months. Sam's been able to move on, not without heartache, but she's got a lot of new ventures to think about. I also wasn't really aware that you were having trouble with your depression again. I'm not sure how often you read my blog, I really didn't think that anyone but Sam read it because I update it so infrequently. I personally haven't been reading your blog; it's nothing personal, I just haven't had the time. I did take the time to read over the last few posts the other day. I am sorry if my nonchalance about Sam and Jon offended you. They are just friends for now, and my comment was really a tease towards Sam. Also, I hope you're not further offended that I'm making my apology "public". I hope that you and Sam will be able to continue your friendship when she moves to London, and I also hope you'll be able to find some inner peace for yourself. Take care and have a safe summer.

Redouane -

Throughout my teenage years, I've acted in some regrettable ways, although I've never been able to say that I've regretted any of my actions. Unfortunately, the more I think about the past three months that I've spent with you, the more I can say that I now know what regret feels like. There are so many things I should have never done with you. I should have never gone with you and Ali and Lisa that night. I should have never forgiven you for sleeping with Jessica, even though we weren't officially dating at the time. I should have never had to go through all the trouble with Jessica and her obsessive insanity. I should have never allowed you to disrespect and embarrass me by allowing you to behave like the womanizing, cheating, lying man that you are. I should have never continued my affair with you after I learned that you were married in Morocco, and had already cheated on your wife with a total of nine women in less than a year. I should have never become so attached to you so quickly. I should have never let you see me cry for you. I should have never told you that I loved you, especially since I wasn't sure that I meant it. I should have never gone to pick you up that night after it had been raining for two days, because I ended up smashing my car and now, after four weeks, the repairs are still not done.

Clearly, there is enough for me to hate your guts for the rest of your life. If only I could. The somewhat still innocent 17 year old girl who had a crush on you over a year ago still lives on. No matter how much I try, it's been hard to accept the realities when it comes to you. Not only is there all the things I've listed, but you're also 30 years old. You're ready for marriage and children...or at least you say you are. My opinion is that your future wife would be lucky to be run over by a camel. There is also the language and cultural barrier between us. The language wasn't such an issue, I think we were able to communicate very well most of the time. I embraced your culture in many ways, but obviously you've been raised to believe that women are inferior and can be handled however you feel like handling them. I could only tolerate that mentality for so long. Those are the realities and I've accepted that every day I spend without you is a better day.

Despite everything, the are are many fond memories and new experiences that I'll remember you for. I helped you become an American citizen, and I was very proud of you. You offered to let me use your car to go to school after my accident, and without it the last few weeks of classes would have been even more frustrating. There were the many nights we spent in your apartment watching Bollywood movies or Moroccan music videos eating fruit and bread. I'd always make sure to bring a bottle of water or something else to drink because the only thing you drink is buttermilk, which tastes like poo. I don't care if it is "good for sex"; you say everything is good for sex.

There were also the Thursday nights we went to LOVE. We took my mom once, which was the most awkward experience of my life. A night at the club with your mom and your boyfriend who is closer in age to her than to you. It was fun though. Other times we went with Lisa or other friends. My favorite time was the last time, because we went alone. I finally got you away from the bar and onto the dance floor, and we danced ALL night. LOVE was also where you got your name for me, Babyface. I made the mistake of thinking that LOVE was 18+ every night, but it was only on Thursday nights. The bouncer looked at my ID and after explaining the 21+ age requirements he said, "Look at your babyface." From then on I was Babyface. I didn't mind, but if you pissed me off I'd call you Oldface, which just makes the whole thing even more lame but it was funny because you'd get so offended.

If there is one thing I've learned from you it's the way that I don't want to be treated by a boyfriend. I never even knew if you were my boyfriend or not. Everything was always so uncertain with you. I would stay with you for days at a time, and it would be wonderful, but whenever I spent a night without you, the anxiety of wondering if you were with someone else would eat me alive. I would have nightmares where I'd find you having sex with Jessica on my bed, and I would strangle her to death. That anxiety, that frustration, that uncertainty; I don't want to feel that again, no matter how much I like the guy. It's not worth it.

I hope we can go back to being friends. I know that I will always have a weakness for you, and that I'd probably burst into tears if you said something nice to me. I know it will take a lot of strength for me to be friends with you again. I hope that you won't start a new "relationship" with someone else, because like I always say, you're old, and you're married. I doubt you'll stay single or celibate for long though, and I just hope that the next girl is lucky enough to get run over by a camel. I hope that you'll be able to decide what you want from your life, and that you will be able to find a woman that you can trust and open your heart to. Someone who will be able to help you and guide you for the rest of your life, someone you can have children with and be happy with. I hope you will be faithful and kind to her. Finally, I hope that I've made some sort of minor impact in your life, because I know you've made a major impact on mine.

Not Again...

2006-05-15T19:10:00.000-04:00

Summer.

I know it's still Spring, but since I've successfully completed my first year of college it is...

Summer.

What have I to look forward to for the next three months?

There will definitely be many nights at Oasis. Maybe a trip to Livingston Manor, NY (party capital of the world; at least for my family) for the Fourth of July. Many nights of clubbing. The beach, hopefully. MY 19TH BIRTHDAY! The possible destruction of my soul if Redouane leaves for Morocco in August. He's planning on staying for three or four months. I can't even begin to describe how much of a mess I would be if he left, considering the circumstances, which I'd rather not discuss at this time. Bad circumstances. And finally, working five days a week and saving as much as possible. Why must I save???

I'm going back to London!!!!

Sam is moving in September, and since I have a month long break in between semesters at school, it's only necessary that I go spend it in London with my bestest friend in the whole wide world. She'll be living in a dorm at Rohampton, which is probably about the size of a closet, but we've already discussed accommodations. I'm going to AeroBed the shit out of her dorm. If there is room for a twin sized blow up mattress, I'm moving in! Even if there wasn't room, I'd still be moving in.

I'm looking forward to this trip much more than the first one. I'm somewhat familiar with the city. I don't have to worry about meeting people could turn out to be serial killers because Sam met them online. I have a place to stay without having to worry that the person's house we're staying at is a serial killer. I still don't know how to ride the tube but I'm sure Sam will learn before I get there. I saw a lot of tourist sites the first time around so this time I can explore a little more freely. I'll probably meet Jon, Sam's new potential lover, who's a friend of her ex boyfriend blah blah blah. It's cool. I might get to see the guys I met the first time around; that would be great. I'd be spending another new year in my favorite city, and best of all, I'll be 19 this time around, which means that I don't have to be paranoid about drinking. I'll be clear and free to buy and consume as many alcoholic beverages as I want.

Best of all this time it'll be all about Sam and I and the city. Ash was a great tour guide, we would have been lost without him but it's still special-er with just Sam and I. I told her that here only mission in life before I arrive is to find me a hookah bar in London so I can meet cool shisha smokers in London. I wonder if they are as cool as us American shisha smokers? Doubt it.

I plan on staying about three weeks, which means I have to save at least 1,000 from now until December. All the while I have to pay bills and support myself. But I'm determined, so I will save and I will be in London probably the day after Christmas this year.

I can't wait.

The Death of Me

2006-05-12T19:43:00.000-04:00

"Why did we have to meet, on the night I lost my head?"

Peace.

Sweet.

I helped him become an American.

He's my age here. If only I'd met him then. Of course he didn't speak English then.

He makes me crazy. Insane.

Kill Me NOW.

2006-05-11T11:55:00.000-04:00

This has been my life since 12pm Tuesday afternoon:
wake up, lay around with Redouane, take a shower, get dressed, eat dinner, go home, clean my room, go watch a movie at Brian's, go to Oasis, TRY to study for my communications final, go to work (it's now 7am yesterday), go home, sleep, can't sleep because people call, try to sleep again, can't sleep after Lisa calls and pisses me off (total hours slept: 5), talk to Sam (very good), go to dinner at IHOP, try to sleep again (no luck), go back to Oasis and study for my French final all night, go to work (7am-10am), ignore Lisa when she comes to work, take French final.

Doesn't sound so bad, besides the sleep deprivation, except since about noon yesterday it seems as if the world has turned against me.

I got my period earlier than expected while I was working yesterday and it got all over my Felix the Cat undies and my work khakis. I had to go home and wash my clothes when all I wanted to do was pass out.

My car still hasn't been fixed, not that I have the $500 to pay for the repairs. I need my car. I need $500. Just the stress of that is becoming too much.

Then Lisa called. I was already peeved at her, but then she decides that I'm to blame for everything and calls me when I already told her I WAS SLEEPING and makes me decide that I don't want to talk to her for a while. A long while. And it's been a long time since I've not wanted to talk to her. That's how annoyed I am with her right now.

Anyway, I got the most massive headache last night, along with cramps, and then realized I'd left both my pain killers and tampons AT HOME. I probably have 200 i-booo-pro-fin and 100 tampons at home. I ended up having to go to CVS at 2am.

The night at Oasis was nice. I saw my friend Mo aka Big Mo who I haven't seen in ages and we had a nice long talk. He offered (like a good friend does) to try and loan me some money to fix my car. Sweeeeet.

But then I was late to work this morning, and I'm becoming more and more annoyed with my Greek knome-of-a boss.

Redouane keeps telling me to find another job and that he wants to MARRY ME which is also a reason for me to hyperventilate. A good reason.

Work was profitable in the only 3 hours I went, and THE ONE MOST BRIGHT AND SUNNY MOMENT OF THE DAY: a regular customer gave me a menthol gumdrop - if you know me, you know my obsession with Vick's Vapor Rub - these gumdrops are like Vick's Vapor Rub candy. I expressed my immediate and complete devotion to them and the nice lady came back and gave me a whole bag of them, and the address to where I can stock up when I finish the bag, which will probably be in about 5 minutes.

Sadly, the joy did not last.

It's raining, and I had to speed drive to school for my French final and - excuse me - this fucking stupid ass FOP bitch who can't drive worth shit - almost hit me. I'M DRIVING REDOUANE'S CAR. If I got in an accident with his car, I think I'd kill myself.

I made it to class on time and in one piece but my French exam made my soul cry and now I have to cram for my communications exam.

Then I have to go to Reston to get some money from Sam who (like a truely great friend does) offered to loan me some cash to fix my wheels. I love Sam, and every moment I spend with her is like a moment in Heaven, but I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO RESTON.

Alas, I must. And I will. And then I'm going home to Redouane. And pasing - the - fuck - out. I think that will probably be at around 4pm today. He has to wake up at 6pm to go to work. I pray to Allah he doesn't try to wake me up. I will bite.

I will tear him to shreads.

Or just put my period on him.

Thankfully, I have an opportunity for a better and much more fun job coming up soon, and my last final is on Saturday. I think that Saturday night I will demand to one of my over 21 friends that they make me extremely intoxicated. Toasted. I look forward to that.

If I survive the next four hours.

Event Reminder: The Strokes

2006-04-22T10:07:00.000-04:00

I just recieved an email from the friendly faces at ticketmaster.com reminding me that I am going to go see The Strokes perform on Wednesday.

Like I need a reminder.

I am already so excited I'm scared I might pee myself.

This will be me for the next week. Before, during, and after I see The Strokes LIVE IN CONCERT.

I SUCK AT THIS

2006-04-13T01:57:00.000-04:00

I'm writing to no one but myself I'm sure.

A month has come and gone since my last post. A month, a week, and a day to be precise.

What have I been up to? Inquiring minds want to know. I'm sure of it.

I witnessed Franz Ferdinand LIVE IN CONCERT for the first time yesterday. It was ammmmazing. I must say, Franz's first CD is nothing but an acid trip down London Memory Road. Sam and I had more than a few "moments".

The Cribs and Death Cab for Cutie performed too. The Cribs are all brothers, British, and DAMN are they tall. Death Cab was very good too, they are amazing performers, especially the lead singer, but I'm not very familiar with their tunes, and a lot of their stuff is so mellow...almost too mellow. I started dozing off during a couple songs.

What else is going on in my world? School, as usual. Exams are coming up in the next couple weeks, and I'm excited to be done with my first year of college. I think I'm also ready to declare a major. Yes, I shall be committing to something. Committing. Oooh-la-la. I want to be an elementary school teacher, or an ESL teacher for all ages, or a high school counselor. I'm leaning more towards the ESL teacher, I've grown up around friends and family who can't quite speak English properly and I know how much it can impact their everyday life. I'm not trying to push English as the ULTIMATE and SUPREME language of the universe, but if you're living in the United States, it really helps. So, ta-da, I have decided. Wish me luck.

What else?

Men? Men...

I can't get into it. That topic requires discussion. Ranting at a computer screen will result in me making little or no sense at all. I sometimes doubt I ever make sense. A briefing on the situation I'm currently in...with a little backtracking...

Feb '06: Landed my ultimate fantasy at the time, Redouane. In the process I cheated on Mikey. I only did it once though. And I wasn't dating Redouane. It was just an ego thing.

March '06: Did it again. Then broke up with Mikey, on his birthday....I'm so nice, right? Did it a few times more, then learned that Redouane was doing it to another girl too, Jessica. Learned that Redouane is an aspiring polygamist and probably a nympho. I got REALLY drunk. I yelled at him for three days, and then I did it again, who knows how many times.

April '06: Still at it. One drunken night he called Jessica on my phone, and so did Lisa, who left her a vicious message, and now...I'm being harassed. Jessica is like the female Eminem...racial confusion. She doesn't rap though. It'd be funny to see her try. Also, Redouane asked me to be his girlfriend, finally, to which I accepted, but with a lot of caution. A LOT OF CAUTION. You don't take this guy with a grain of salt, you take him with a pound of salt. I don't think accepting was very wise, but I'm sure I'll be able to work around it.

Semi-briefing. Men are so hazardous to my health. Moroccans especially. I think I'm done with guys for a while, after Redouane. They cause too much aches - headaches, backaches, heartaches...I'll just be on stand-by until someone really cool comes along.

That's men. Anything else???

I'm going to see the Strokes on April 26th....I AM SO EXCITED. I WILL HAVE MULTIPLE MUSICAL ORGASMS AND I WILL SCREAM WITH PLEASURE.

I'm very much in love with Yeah Yeah Yeah's new CD. And People In Planes. I recommend both, but YYY's a little more.

There is a bird chirping outside my window, at 2:26am. Isn't it a little early?! Bastard.

Life goes on. Adios amigos.

Manic Depression

2006-03-05T22:29:00.000-05:00

Every time my life isn't going so well, I think of Jimi Hendrix's "Manic Depression" and realize that whatever sorrow I'm feeling at the moment is nothing compared to another person somewhere in the world who is going through something much more difficult.

My life is bi-polar. I have these amazing highs followed by depressing lows, and not much in between.

I used to be a prisoner of my emotions, but I think that all the insanity I've faced in the past year has really changed that. I am still very emotional, but not about everything. Like men - not so emotional about anymore. I find it difficult to latch on to any guy emotionally, and only really endear myself to guys that I wouldn't have a chance of ever dating; mainly manwhores or gays. Or guys I would never get too serious with - Brahim.

If you haven't already guessed where this is going, then here it is - Mikey and I broke up. Not only did we break up, he refuses to speak to me. I wonder is Mrs. Glazer still checks up on me, she would be squirming with delight right now.

I hurt him. I thought I could have a serious relationship, I thought the distance wouldn't be a problem, I thought I was ready for a long term commitment...I was so wrong. And I made him my guinea pig in the big "let's see if Mendy can have a real boyfriend" experiment. I feel bad about it, about what I did and said and how it effected him. Unfortunately, I can't take it back, because it was all said and done for a reason.

He gave me an ultimatum. Well, first I betrayed his trust and surprised myself when I felt no qualms about going off with Redouane, one of the guys who works at Oasis, only three weeks into our relationship. What we went off and did is not so important, but I shouldn't have done it if I was serious about my relationship with Mikey. Anyway, my ultimatum was - either we work out my problems and continue to date, or he wanted nothing to do with me.

I offered him friendship. I asked him to give me time. I asked him to help me. I told him I didn't want to hurt him again. I told him that I didn't want the little things that were so different about us to tear us apart in the end. I told him I didn't want to change him, and that he shouldn't try to change me. I told him I was only 18, that I wasn't ready for what he wanted and needed from me.

He told me I should be changing things about my life. He told me I should hang out with different people. He told me that everyone he knew was in a serious relationship. He told me that I hurt him. And finally he told me that I could leave.

It was his birthday. I spent only 2 hours with him and the whole time we were talking, trying to figure things out. But in the end I was rushing around his room, getting all my stuff ready as fast as I could, in tears. He sat on his bed and watched. We didn't say much after that. I'm not sure if we'll ever say much again.

This by far has been the worst break up I've ever gone through. I guess it's because I actually cared about him and I knew he cared about me. I wish he hadn't decided that he wanted nothing to do with me, but I can't change his mind. I should have known better than to start a relationship with him in the first place. But like I said, I thought I was sure, I thought I was ready, but now I know I'm not.

I won't be in a serious relationship until I meet a guy who is all the things I've found in bits and pieces in the personalities of other guys. I've found a guy who's a hippie at heart like me, who liked good music and a pint. I found a guy who was cultured, funny and always had a cigarette in his mouth. I found a guy who was smart and understanding and very caring. Most importantly, they all played the guitar. There have been other guys who all had something that I love, that I look for in that ultimate person. I just need to find that ultimate person, or someone very close to it, before I'll be ready to commit my time, energy, emotion, and future to.

I'm not in a rush though, I'm having fun right now. I'm enjoying everyone that I meet, I'm enjoying the friends I have. Someday I'll be ready for what Mikey wanted, for what I wanted too, but for now, I'll just get back to being myself.

Happy VD!!

2006-02-14T23:12:00.000-05:00

Valentine's Day is so lame.

It used to be cute, in elementary school. I remember making an "elaborately" decorated brown paper bag to hold the valentines I got from all my classmates. I remember carefully choosing the valentines I was going to give, always choosing an extra sweet and mushy one for the guy I had a crush on.

Yeah, those were the days.

This is actually my first year with a real valentine. I was talking to Mikey last night, right around midnight, and he asked me ever so very sweetly, "Would you be my valentine?"

I nearly melted into the carpet.

We already exchanged gifts and cards sent through the mail. It was lovely. It's nice to have a valentine, but I can't say it really makes a big difference. VD is just another day, and being in the situation I'm in, any day I can spend with Mikey is special.

So who needs VD? Not me!

I still think it's cute, for other people. There was an engagement today in my family. I'm very happy for them.

I guess VD isn't that lame. Maybe I'm bitter I can't be with Mikey. Maybe I'm just tired, I had to wake up early after going to sleep late to finish homework, and I'll have to do that again tonight.

Blah. Happy VD.

Tag - You're It!

2006-02-10T01:20:00.000-05:00

I've never responded when I've been tagged by Sam, and I always feel bad about it afterwards, because usually by the time I remember I've been tagged, way too much time has passed. I just read that I've been tagged so I will perform my being "it" duties for once. By the way, I saw this one on Dooce's blog, so that's pretty cool, makes me feel like a real blogger.

Four jobs that I've had:

Have I even had four jobs? Let's see, in order...

1. The Coffee Co.: Learned to make a variety of coffee drinks and realized that Starbucks really was a scam, they make you pay extra for taking up all the room in your cup with frothed milk that covers up that fact that only 1/3 of the cup is filled with a shot or two of espresso.

2. The Party Co.: (I like Co.'s I guess) I learned to blow up balloons like a pro., if there is such a thing as a "professional balloon blower upper".

3. Old Navy: I worked here for two days, decided clothes retail was not for me, and never returned. Less than a week later I left for London so I wasn't feeling too bad.

4. Banner's Hallmark: Eh, it's okay. I make money. It's how I met Mikey!

Four movies I could watch over and over:

1. Almost Famous
2. Y Tu Mama Tambien
3. Fight Club
4. Hotel Rwanda

and many more...

Four places that I have lived:

I haven't lived in four places!

1. Annandale, VA as a fetus/infant
2. Fairfax, VA as a young child
3. Alexandria, VA since I was 10.

I don't get around much.

Four TV shows I watch:

I'd say House but I work every Tuesday now so I can never see it anymore. It's so sad. I miss Hugh!

1. Project Runway
2. CSI (only the original in "Vegas Baby!!")
3. anything on VHI, is that a valid answer?
4. Sex and the City

Four places I've vacationed:

1. El Salvador
2. Sandusky, Ohio (Ohio is an odd state)
3. Orlando, Florida (Disney World of course)
4. London, England

Four of my favorite dishes:

1. arroz con leche
2. chili with sausage
3. seafood pasta made by mom
4. burgers and fries

Four sites I visit daily:

Sadly, I don't have that kind of time, so weekly...

1. Dooce (and can you tell I worship her?)
2. Sam
3. Ash
4. Mine!
Four places I'd rather be:

1. CNU NEWPORT NEWS, VA!!!!!
2. The Black Bird in London
3. Livingston Manor, NY (only in the summertime)
4. Oasis, my hooka away from home

And now, I will tag Ash and Leticia.

Dooced

2006-02-08T22:24:00.000-05:00

I've been dooced by my boyfriend's parents. My blog has been discovered and due to its contents, I have been branded as evil.

Shit.

Excuse my language.

Actually, don't excuse my language. This is MY blog. I can say SHIT if I want. Even if Mikey's parents will read it. I'm "old enough" to say SHIT. I shouldn't have to feel bad about it. Even if Mikey's parents will read it.

I'm sorry. Please excuse my language.

I feel like shit. I feel like a criminal. I feel like a bad influence. I feel like a bad person.

I'm really not.

I know I definitely do things that parents would not approve of, mine including, but I'm 18 years old and I have an insane thirst for experience. I don't plan on doing these things all my life, and I would definitely defend the fact that I am not squandering my life away drinking, smoking, doing drugs, getting tattoos and having sex. Yes, I have done these things, I will not deny it and I will not be ashamed of it. It does not make me a bad person. It makes me human. I know not everyone has done what I've done, and that's fine. I never pressure anyone to accept my lifestyle or to make it theirs. I'm not a missionary. All I ask is for the same consideration from those who are against it, and not to be judged for only a fraction of what makes up my personality.

Besides all my "evil" vices, I also enjoy music and photography, the company of my family and friends, and travel...I write about these things too.

I don't often write about the "everyday" because everyone who reads my blog knows me and probably knows what my life is like right now. Most of the week I'm concerned about putting myself through college, my parents getting divorced, my mother who just had brain surgery to cure her life long epilepsy, my job, and the fact that I'm basically supporting myself right now. My parents provide me with a home and a car, and not much else. I pay my cell phone, my gas, my car insurance, my food and clothes, and anything else I might need. It's hard, it's stressful, but I do it so that someday soon I will be able to really support myself entirely, and continue to educate myself and experience everything I want to. Despite the stresses, I enjoy my life, and I have control over my future.

I am very proud of myself, and I don't appreciate being judged and branded as a bad person by anyone. I don't like having to defend myself, and I hate that I even care what others might think of me, but the truth is that I'd rather expose and attempt to defend myself than loose a good friend and a wonderful boyfriend.

I'm really a good person.

I'm a good person because my mother taught me to love my family and to always be cautious. My father taught me to think for myself and to value education. They've both always been very honest with me and I love them, even when I hate them.

I'm a good person because I have friends and family who love me, and who are proud of me and who support me and who understand me. I don't have to explain myself to them, they know everything about me and think I'm wonderful.

I'm a good person because I am happy with myself, and I'm happy with the life I've had.

Maybe I'm just be a foolish teenager, but many say I'm wise beyond my years.

I'm Alive

2006-02-02T00:48:00.000-05:00

I will say this very happily: I am not the same person I was when I wrote my last entry. Reasons...

1. My mother successfully had brain surgery on the 18th to remove a malicious piece of brain that has caused her to have a unique form of seizures 3-16 times a month since she was 5 years-old. She's recovering now, hasn't had any bad side effects, and is expected to be well for the rest of her life.

2. I had my wisdom teeth, two on the bottom, removed on the 20th. I was foolishly looking forward to a few days of narcotic pain killer filled fun and rest. Instead I developed the worst possible post wisdom teeth removal condition, dry sockets, and have spent the last two weeks in EXCRUCIATING PAIN. A dry socket is when a blood clot does not form within the wounds to protect the ultra sensitive and newly exposed nerve endings. Dry sockets hurt badly, and Vicodin did not help at all. I spent many a sleepless teary-eyed nights.

3. To make matters worse, I learned today that my excruciating dry socket was caused and being constantly made even more excruciating by my SMOKING. I know I said I'd quit, and I did cut down even more to practically nothing, but apparently it wasn't enough. I felt like a fool when the doctor told me, and I cried. I cried because I felt stupid, I cried because I was ashamed, I cried because I had been causing myself the pain and discomfort that made me want to die. I didn't cry in of the doctor though; I was alone in my car, and I cried again when I called Mikey and told him. I've sworn off all smoking for AT LEAST until my wounds heal completely and hopefully by then I won't want to smoke regularly at all anymore, ever again. Social smoking like I said before is still acceptable. I couldn't give up the hooka or drunk smoking.

4. I am falling in love. I can't believe it, or I can, but it's too good to be true. Mikey has been such a good friend to me since I met him last Spring, and now he's the best boyfriend I've ever had. It might sound cheesy, but we connect at such a deep and intense level...it's scary how easy and comfortable it is to accept the fact that I can't go a single day without talking to him, telling him how much I miss him and care for him. And he feels the same way. I took him back to school on Saturday the 14th, and we though we'd be able to go six weeks without seeing each other. We only lasted two. I packed my bags and raced down to CNU last Friday. I could only stay until Sunday morning, and it was wonderful but I already miss him desperately. It'll be another month, or 27 days until we see each other again.

Otherwise, life goes on as usual. School started on the 24th and my classes are great, the professors are great, the subjects I'm learning about are great. I'm still working, only four days/20 hours a week instead of the five days/30+ hours I was doing last semester. I've saved enough to take it easy for a while, and that's what I plan to do. Relax as much as possible, study and learn as much as possible, and enjoy the current flow of my life.

Mis Amores

2006-01-13T01:57:00.000-05:00

Today I:

Had a conversation with my mom about the meaning of John Lennon's "Imagine" as I was taking her to work. We both love the song, and as we listened to it, she described the image it created for her of a happy couple blissfully walking through a park hand in hand. I explained to her that the song was about world peace and unity and she actually listened to what I had to say, and made remarks that weren't uncalled for. It was quite a moment.

Mikey came over to keep me company. We are most officially going steady and it is oh, so nice.

I went to Oasis (the hooka bar) and had my last cigarette and hooka for at least the next two weeks. I'm having my wisdom teeth removed on the 20th and since I've never had any type of invasive surgery, I'm taking all the precautions necessary. The guide I got from the doctor said I must quit smoking at least a week prior to surgery, and then at least 48 after. It did not say "MENDY you must quit smoking!!!!" but it was close enough.

I'm also considering quitting my regular smoking habits all together. I haven't been enjoying it as much as usual recently, I feel like a novice again, feeling lightheaded after a few drags and then being annoyed and nauseated by the smell afterwards. Mikey doesn't like my smoking either, and although that's not a reason to quit, I would be quitting for myself and by myself, it's something that would make him happy. This does not exclude social smoking at parties, clubs, Oasis or while I'm drinking. In the infamous words of an adorable British man named Ferret "I've got to have my fags if we're drinking or I'll go fucking mad." He said something like that, I mostly just remember the adorable facial expressions.

Tomorrow I'm taking Mikey back to school at CNU. We'll spend one last day and night together and then I won't see him until his birthday on March 1st. It's not too long, something like 6 weeks, but this will be our first official try at a "long distance relationship". Ooooooooh. The suspense is killing me.

Why Can't I?

2006-01-05T23:26:00.000-05:00

It's common knowledge:
- One should not develop feelings for good friends
- One should not do naughty things with good friends
- One should not do either of the above when said good friend is 1. going back to school in a week and 2. will be living a three hour drive away until December.

I can already hear Sam protesting, "What the hell?! A three hour drive?? Try an eight hour plane ride!!" I love you dear.

Anyway, I obviously have no common knowledge. I've done all of the above and now I'm SCREWED.

I think I'm a relationship masochist. Actually, I know I am. Lisa and I both are, we've discussed this before. We only fall for guys who are guaranteed to cause the most emotional damage, no matter how obvious it may be.

"Oh, so I'm going to fall in love with you and loose my virginity to you and then go back home, 4,000 miles away, not knowing when or if I'll ever see you again? Okay!"

"Sure I'll date you for four months and care for you more everyday even though you've already stated that you're too young for love, don't care about anyone including yourself, and that your friends and smoking are your top priorities in life?"

I'm a dumb shit. A card carrying first class dumb shit.

A history of my relations with the above mentioned good friend, also known as Mikey:
Leticia and I met him in this past summer when he came to work with us at Hallmark while he was free from the grasps of college life at CNU. I thought I wouldn't like him, despite all the positive comments from my manager Sande. I should have believed her, because she is beautiful, all knowing, and all-powerful. Leticia and I both became friends with Mikey pretty quick, probably because he's quiet and dorky and Leticia and I love dorks, because we are biggest dorks. I must admit, his dorkiness caused me to have a little crush on him for a while, but as a friendship blossomed, it faded away.

Mikey went back to school, and at the time I was head over heels for Brahim so it wasn't too heartbreaking. Leticia and I visited him at CNU during the fall; she was touring as a high school senior looking for a place to start her college life; I just mooched a ride to see my buddy.

We kept in touch throughout the semester, and when he came back for winter break, I don't know what happened but we ended up in some steamy embraces. That little crush from the summer had a serious growth spurt.

I love Mikey, he's a good friend. We have great conversations. He's funny, caring, attentive, and a little weird. Before the whole steamy embraces I'd make him cuddle with me while we hung out and watched movies with Leticia and he never tried to grope me. It was very refreshing. And now...

I know he'd be a good boyfriend, but I don't know how good I'd be. The distance would be difficult, I would get lonely, and Lisa and I always meet new guys when we go out. I'd hate myself if I did anything to hurt him.

But Mikey makes me happy, I feel truly cared for and protected with him.

We're going to spend the day together tomorrow, and as many other days in the next week because he's leaving on the 14th and then I won't see him until his birthday, March 1st. Hopefully I won't be so confused by then, but knowing myself, I'll just be even more confused.

eBay: Friend or Foe?

2006-01-05T01:46:00.000-05:00

I love eBay. Ash and I discovered it around the same time last winter, and I remember we agreed not to tell Sam about it because, already a shopaholic, she would have ended up in debt if she discovered how much she could save and therefore how much more she could buy. We didn't have to worry though, Sam never became an eBayer and is still in good financial standing. I however, became an eBayer. I now buy all my CDs and DVDs for about half of what I would at any store, and it's a good place to find unique things for cheap. Thanks to eBay, Sam and I went to see Coldplay, a marvelous experience, and I also bought my Creative Zen Micro for about $50 less than what it retails for. I love eBay, it is my happy place.

Why would it be a foe then?

I work at Hallmark, and this past Christmas was my first with the company. Before then, I knew that Hallmark was BIG on their ornaments, but I honestly never gave a crap. Then I witnessed the behavior of people who want these ornaments and other Hallmark collectibles. It's a little crazy. Even while I witnessed little old ladies beating each other with their purses over these ornaments, it never dawned on me that with all this unlimited access to limited merchandise, I could be making a pretty penny on eBay.

About a week ago, a co-worker/friend of mine told me that he and another Hallmark employee had been selling the most popular items of 2005 on eBay for a few weeks, and between the both of them I think they've made over $1,200. This really flabbergasted me. For example, there's an ornament that's sold out called "Rockin' with Santa". It's a little record player that had three records that it "plays", very cute; it retails for something like $25. My friend bought four, auctioned them on eBay, and made over $200. I felt like an idiot when he told me about it; there's another item, the Piano Snowman, that retailed for $12.95. I don't know how many of those damn singing fuckers I set up around the store, the countless boxes I carried and unpacked. We had at least 200 of those shits, and we sold out before Christmas. I just checked eBay and the bidding on those blasted fucks are at around $30 each.

Now my friend is encouraging me to get in on the eBay action. For some reason, I feel that it's unfair and that I'd be doing something wrong. Then again, eBay is based on selling things others have already purchased, and I could use the money. It just feels so easy, too easy. But when I think of those damned Piano Snowmen...

Welcome to 2006

2006-01-03T02:56:00.000-05:00

Who needs London when you have JonCarlos?

December 2005: At A Glance

2005-12-30T00:50:00.000-05:00

I am a bad, bad blogger. I can't believe I haven't written anything in almost a month. My apologies.

Well, since my last post...

Brahim and I are no longer dating. We stopped talking for various reasons sometime near October, and we had absolutely no contact for about a month. Then he said he wanted to talk, and for the next month or so we were making and breaking plans to get together during the weekends. I finally saw him on his birthday, and we did talk, but we discussed our lives more than our relationship. We ended up having a pretty heavy make out session though, something that both Lisa and I had predicted. But then, a week after that, he went to Richmond with his friend and had a threesome with two girls. If I had any question as to what our "relationship" was, I think he made it pretty clear that night. I went to his place after he got back, to pick up a ring I had forgotten on his birthday, and he didn't even say anything. I haven't talked to him since. I was very angry and hurt for a few days, but life goes on.

I successfully completed my first semester at George Mason University on December 19th. It kinda feels official now, I'm a college student. It wasn't so bad, I'm still adapting but I think college and I will get along. And it's pretty damn sweet to have a month off, spring classes don't start until January 23rd.

I'm still working. I got a raise.

Lisa and I still go out a lot. The hooka bar is our new "home away from home", we go there at least once a week. It's a great place to just relax, talk, smoke a hooka, and have a drink - non-alcoholic of course. We're friends with the staff and the regulars, all older men from Middle Eastern countries. No girls - I like that a lot.

Sam and I celebrated the day we left for London exactly a year ago, December 26th, with dinner and a pedicure. We reminisced a little and talked a lot about our current lives and future plans. If everything goes as planned, Sam will be living in London this time next year, and I'll be over there visiting and celebrating the start of 2007.

Christmas was nice and quiet. I spent most of the weekend with Isabella and JonCarlos, my cousin Sara's babies. They are a handful, being only 16 and 5 months old, but they're also beautiful, adorable, and so very lovable. Even when they smell like poop and throw up on you.

The new year celebration should be wild and crazy and fun. Our family from New York is coming down, and they are famous for making great parties. We'll all spend the night at Sara's and probably drink, dance, and laugh our way into 2006. We might even go to the casinos in West Virginia, and I'll be able to go this year, although I'm not sure if I'll be allowed to gamble.

And now I want to self-tag myself from Sam's blog and list five strange things about myself in no particular order, because coincidentally I've recently been reminded of all the strange things about myself.

1. I am madly obsessed with Vick's Vapor Rub. Whenever I'm sick I use/overuse the ointment, the inhaler, and the decongestant nose spray. I just love how it smells. I used to have a humidifier that used Vick's as a kid, because I had mild asthma, so think I associate the smell to comfort and relief. But I love the stuff.

2. When it comes to men, I have a thing about hair. I like guys with shaggy hair, red hair, curly hair, facial hair, happy trails, leg hair, arm hair, chest hair...you get the idea.

3. I can't be in the same room with a pimple. If I know you, I will attack your pimple. It's gross I know, but I can't help it. The other day I popped my cousin's nose pimple, and it exploded onto my forehead and all over my fingers. Disgusting, but it was such a relief.

4. I can bend the top joint of my fingers. I used to think everyone could do it, but in middle school I realized I was wrong when I freaked out some classmates.

5. I can't think of anything else, so I have to steal one of Sam's, which also applies to me. I clean my room almost daily, everything is usually clean and organized, but my car is a mess. I think there are about 10 empty bottles and cans of various beverages in the back seat, I haven't washed it since the summer, and if it wasn't for the can of orange scented odor neutralizer I keep in there, who knows what it would smell like.

About Me

2005-12-01T23:26:00.000-05:00

I stole this from a friends' MySpace. I know they're silly, but I was in the mood. Enjoy!

Basics
-----------------------------
Time started: 10:54pm
Name: Mendy
Single or Taken: Single
Sex: Female
Birthday: 06/10/1987
Siblings: 1
Eye color: Dark Brown
Shoe size: 8 1/2-9
Height: 5' 3
Innie or Outie: Innie
What are you wearing right now: Old gym t-shirt and underpants
Where do you live: Alexandria
Righty or lefty: Righty

Relationships
-----------------------------
Who are your closest friends: Lisa, Sam, Jessica, Tyler, Brian.
Do you have a BF or GF?: Nope
If no, are you interested in anyone beyond friendship: Interested in friendship with a certain musician that maybe one day could go beyond.
Best place to go for a date: Old Town
Where is your favorite place to shop: Old Navy, Target, H&M, Hot Topic

Favorites
-----------------------------
Favorite kind of pants: Pajammies
Color: Yellow
Number: 3
Boys Name: Alexander
Girls Name: Elizabeth
Animal: Teddy Bears
Drink: Sweet Tea
Football: Patriots, Giants, Redskins
Basketball: Don't like it.
Hockey: CAPS!!!!
Month(s): June, October, December
Juice: Citrus Punch
Finger: Index
Breakfast: Pancakes
Favorite cartoon character: Spongebob!

Have You Ever
-----------------------------
Given anyone a bath: Yep.
Smoked: Uh huh.
Bungeed: Nope
Made yourself throw-up: Not on purpose, but I once chugged about a barrel of water because I was serverly dehydrated from a heavy night of drinking and barfed it all up and some more 3 seconds later.
Gone skinny dipping: Can fatties skinny dip? Lmao...no.
Eaten a dog: Not that I know of, but you never know.
Put your tongue on a frozen pole: Probably, that's something I would do.
Loved someone so much it made you cry?: Been so infatuated with someone it made you cry, yes.
Broken a bone: Nope.
Played truth or dare: Of course!
Been in a physical fight: Yep, I always get beat up!
Been in a police car: Nope.
Been on a plane: Yep.
Come close to dying: Nope.
Been in a sauna: Yep.
Been in a hot tub: Right after the sauna.
Swam in the ocean: Yep.
Fallen asleep in school: Oh yeah.
Ran away?: Nope.
Broken someone's heart: I don't think so.
Cried when someone died: Yes.
Cried in school: Yes.
Saved AIM conversations: Once upon a time.
Saved e-mails: Yep.
Fallen for one of your best friends? No.
Used someone: Yes.
Been cheated on?: Not that I know of, but you never know.

What is...
-----------------------------
Your good luck charm: I don't have one
Best song you ever heard: The Strokes "Reptilia" came to mind first, but there are so many "best ever" songs out there!
Stupidest thing you have ever done: Oh geez...
What's your room like: My life plastered all over the walls.
Last thing you said: "Yeah."
What's beside you? My trashcan...it says "dumped"
Last thing you ate: French Fries.
What kind of shampoo do you use?: Some snazzy salon stuff my mom brings home.
Best thing that has happened to you this year (2005): HAHA, EVERYTHING!!!! London, graduation, turning 18, making new friends.

Have you had...
-----------------------------
Chicken pox: Nope.
Sore Throat: All the time.
Stitches: Nope.
Broken nose: Nope

Other Stuff
-----------------------------
Do you believe in love at first sight: Yep.
If you were stuck on an island, what people would you want with you: Lisa, Leticia, and a hot man.
Who was the last person that called you: Leticia.
Who was the last person you slow danced with: Probably Lisa.
What makes you smile? Music.
Who is the last person you kissed?: Some crazy Morrocan dude.
Who broke your heart: Myself...I get a little too invovled sometimes in hopeless situations.
Who told you they loved you: My mom, Lisa, Tyler.
Is your loudest friend?: CHAUNCY, friend/cousin
Do you like filling these out: Yeah, they're fun.
Do you wear contacts or glasses: Contacts, I'm BLIND.
Do you get along with your family: Very much so. We're rock stars!!!
Stolen anything over $50: Nope.
Compulsive? No.
Anorexic? Haha, never.
Suicidal? Nope.

Final questions...
-----------------------------
What did you do yesterday: Went to school, went to Leti's, went to the mall, picked up my mom, went to Tysons Corner, shopped a little, came home, slept.
Hated someone in your family: Disliked, not hated.
Gotten any awards: Academic mostly, a few writing ones.
What car do you wish to have: One of those old VW vans with a bunch of fun stuff on the inside.
Where do you want to get married? In a church, but during the Fall.
If you could change something about yourself, what would it be?: My inability to "skinny" dip.
Good driver: Yes, I think so.
Good Singer: I wish.
Have a lava lamp: Nope.
How many remote controls are in your house: I don't know, 7?
Are you double jointed: My fingers are.
What do you dream about?: I have a lot of weird sex dreams with random people. Don't ask.
Last time you showered: This morning.
Last time you took a bath: Too long ago to remember.
The last movie you saw at the theatres: Hmmm..."Jarhead." FIELD FUCK!!!
Root Beer or Dr. Pepper: Root Beer.
Mud or Jello wrestling?: JELLO!
Vanilla or chocolate: Coffee.
Skiing or Boarding: Neither.
Summer or winter: Winter.
Silver or Gold: Gold.
Diamond or pearl: Pearl.
Sunset or Sunrise: Sunrise.
Sprite or 7up: Sprite.
Orange juice or apple juice: Apple.
Cats or dogs: Cats.
Coffee or tea: Coffee.
Phone or in person: Person!
Are you oldest, middle, youngest or only child: Oldest.
End time: 11:24

Birthday-Palooza

2005-11-29T23:53:00.000-05:00

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Brahim: "Do you remember when we met?"
Me: "Yeah. It was my birthday, June 10th."
Brahim: "Yep. And what's today?"
Me: "Your birthday."
Brahim: "Yep."

Silent reflection....

Lisa took this picture later that night and it will always make me laugh, because we're both such dorks.

And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to:
Denise who turned Sweet 16 on the 25th
and to Charlie, who (I think) turned Sweet 23 on the 26th.

The Miles: Part 1

2005-11-24T00:50:00.000-05:00

Sam, Lisa and I love the Miles!

Mama

2005-11-16T23:10:00.000-05:00

As I cursed my printer for failing to print my Coldplay concert report three times in a row, my mom walked in to say goodnight as she usually does.

"Hey mom, you want to see my husband?"

(Now remember, my mom is from El Salvador, and when she speaks English she has an accent.)
"You don have a hussband, don say tat. Neever get married."

"Yes I do, do you want to see him, he's right here." I put on one of the videos I have of Chris Martin for my mother's viewing pleasure. "Do you see that green band on his finger?"

"Jess."

"I have it, wanna see it?" And without waiting for her response, I pulled it out and showed it to her. "See mom, he is my husband, he gave me this ring and said "Mendy, will you marry me?""

"Iss tape."

Without responding, I showed her the picture on my desktop, an offical artsy picture with Chris Martin front-and-center. "See mom, isn't he pretty?"

"Heem? Hees oogly."

"UGLY?!!! Get out of my room!"

"Jess he's oogly. I don like all that hair on his face. (a little stubble) I like men weeth chest hair. My nest boyfriend weel have chest hair."

"Okay mom. But he's not ugly, and he is my husband."

"He iss oogly, and don say hees joor hussband."

"Yes he is mom. If he were to walk into the house right now and tell me to leave with him and go be his wife and England, I would say yes."

"Only if joo take yoor mama."

"Okay. We can take walks around London together."

Then my mom just scoffed at me and shot me a dirty look. The word "London" is as poisononous to her as "Voldemort" is to Harry Potter - she never did give me permission to go.

Sometimes I love to hear my mother's opinion on the world. London is evil and Chris Martin is ugly, but chest hair would make him damn sexy.

Concert Reports

2005-11-16T01:03:00.000-05:00

I'm taking a short break.

As part of my general education requirements, I'm taking a course entitled Music 102: Popular Music in America. I love college. Our main assignment for the semester was to attend three concerts and then write a 500-word report on each concert. Did I mention I love college? The reports are due on Thursday, and I've already re-lived my White Stripes experience. I'm currently writing about Coldplay, and then I'll move on to the Bravery concert.

I've been watching the videos, looking through pictures, and listening to the music as I write these reports. The memories are flooding my brain and I realized that I didn't blog about the White Stripes or Coldplay. I won't get into great detail, I have to save the emotion for the reports, but I do want to spread a little sunshine.

The White Stripes were extremely impressive, Jack White is so fucking talented. He can play the hell out of any guitar, the piano, even the xylophone; and all the while he'll sing his little heart out. Meg White, bless her soul, she can play little a beat, sing a little song, and that's about it. I really liked the way they changed the music from the studio recordings, they dragged it out, sped it up, embellished it, and rock it out. My favorite song was probably "Hotel Yorba", everyone there was compelled to either clap, smack their knees or stomp there feet. Jack White is also very polite, he must have thanked us a million times. I'd definitely see the White Stripes live again.

"Parachutes" has been conquered for the night, and as I move on to "A Rush of Blood To The Head" I must say that Coldplay - is better than sex. All of you non virgins gasp and say "What? Better than sex? Never!" Forgive me my past lovers, you guys were great and I adore you, but Chris Martin gave me countless musical orgasms and made me cry tears of joy. I was so weak from the emotional strain at the end of that concert that I couldn't talk or walk straight.

If it wasn't for the post-concert Southern Comfort waiting patiently for Sam and I, we would have stayed up all night, talking about Coldplay. Nothing else. Mel could have danced around the room wearing nothing but a smile and we would have probably just glanced over at her and continued to talk without missing a beat. Okay, now I'm just exaggerating, but it was good.

As I watch the videos, I still can't believe I was that close to Chris Martin. I know he's a normal man like any other but he's Chris Martin - he's British, he's gorgeous, he's funny, he plays the guitar, he's nice, creative, talented and he makes me cry tears of joy. Any guy who possesses many or all of those traits is not going to be a "normal man" for me...hence the accumulation of past lovers...if my memory serves me right.

I'm being overly fanatical and probably not very coherent. I swear I haven't been drinking, music just has the same effect. I'm just very grateful to the forces that allowed me to experience Coldplay create music in front of me. It's all about the music.

"Clocks" just played. I can't listen to this song anymore without seeing Chris Martin bouncing up and down on his little piano stool, basically humping the piano. It was hilarious - to see him so involved with music that he probably didn't realize he was humping a piano. It was also hot because I saw Chris Martin in the act of humping. I have it on video.

Coldplay is coming back to Washington DC on March 2, 2006; the ticket sales start this Saturday. Hopefully the gods will allow me a second round of those Brits, equally as amazing or maybe even better. Whew, how will I prevent myself from spontaneously combusting?

Holy Shit

2005-11-14T23:02:00.000-05:00

I am the only one who is completely flabbergasted at the fact that it's MID-NOVEMBER???

When did this happen?

2005 is almost over. I can't believe it. It's so sad.

I'll definately be sharing the highlights of 2005, and let me tell you now, there were MANY.

I should start writing now. It's going to take all of 2006 to process everything that happened in 2005.

It was a damn good year though.

History, beds, and Brahim.

2005-11-08T22:34:00.000-05:00

I'm attempting to get my creative juices flowing. I have to write a three page paper on the Second Great Awakening in the early 1800's and the Benevolent Empire based on the writings of William Ellery Channing, William Lloyd Garrison and four other writers with equally long names. At least their names will make the paper a little longer.

Obviously, I'm not in the Benevolent Empire writing mood. I'm not sure why I become so brain dead when I have to write my U.S. History papers. Maybe it's the pressure; we're only assigned four of these papers the whole semester, it's basically our only grade besides a presentation I already did. I only get four chances to prove myself. Sounds like a lot, but it sure doesn't feel like much.

I earned a B-/C on my first paper. I don't understand why I was given a slashed grade. It's an insult really, "We're giving you the B- to be nice but this is really C work, you average person." I won't complain too much though, I wrote that paper from 12:00-6:00am the day it was due. I ended up oversleeping and I walked in as class was ending. I set down my paper, looked at the professor to make sure he wasn't going to scold me, and left with the rest of the class. I thought he would scold me but maybe he saw the lack of sleep and freshman desperation in my eyes and decided against it. God Bless Professor Cotter.

It's almost 11:00pm and this paper is due at 10:30am. I've done a minimal amount of research already, and I have the experience of paper #1 so I'm hoping it won't take six hours to write this paper. Another reason I'm hoping it won't take all night is because I have a sinus headache and the sinful temptation of a whole box of Tylenol Sinus and a brand new extremely comfortable bed.

My mother bought me a new bed yesterday because my old bed - it was a joke. Anyone who has ever slept with me knows what I'm talking about. And when I say slept, I mean friends and family actually sleeping. I am not a whorebag. Anyway, a series of unlikely and unsinful events led to the destruction of the spring box below the mattress, which made for a very uncomfortable and unbelievably squeaky sleeping experience. I was actually getting to the point where I considered sleeping on the floor just because I thought it would be more comfortable, or at least quieter.

My cousin Mario would always say, "If you ever had sex in this bed, the whole neighborhood would hear it." I believed him. He was wrong. Okay, so maybe I was a whorebag, but only once.

Speaking of which, I want to update my swarms of readers (heh) on Brahim. I don't want to get too detailed, but basically I decided to stop calling him. And since there is some sort of tumor in his brain that doesn't make it possible for him to have the ability to pick up the phone and call me, my decision to stop calling him ceased all communication between us for more than a month. Life went on, I immersed myself in school and work. We never officially broke up but I considered him a bittersweet memory.

Until a few weeks ago he was still a memory. Then, in true Brahim fashion he sent me a text message, saying something like "I need to talk to you, let's meet up, I'll call you." I responded with a simple "Okay." but didn't trouble myself about it. You do not want to hold your breath when Brahim says "I'll call you." You will suffocate. He did attempt to meet up with me the following Saturday but I had already made plans and when I tried to change my plans around and got back to him, he had made plans to break Ramadan fast with friends. Once again, I didn't trouble myself about it and life when on.

Until yesterday. And now I'm getting irritated. Brahim and his friend Jalil and Lisa are my original NOVA Sluts, and they bump into each other occasionally on campus. The combination hadn't bumped into each other for a while, which I was thankful for. The last thing I wanted was the three of them discussing me when I'm not there. That's exactly what happened yesterday. The three of them bumped into each other and started chatting. Apparently Brahim had just started attending classes again after he took off almost a month. Lisa sent me a text telling me that she was talking to them, and I sent her one back. Jalil noticed it was from me and started teasing Brahim about missing me. Then Jalil and Brahim started asking Lisa questions about me, "Did she miss him? Is she seeing anyone new? Has she been with anyone else? Was she in love with Brahim?" That last one irritates me the most. Lisa is no authority on my love life.

The boys told her not to tell me what they had asked, but of course that was pointless. I called Lisa as soon as I thought they'd had enough time to "chat" and she filled me in. It completely ruined my jolly mattress shopping mood. I called Brahim but he didn't answer, I knew he wouldn't because he knew why I was calling. He sent the infamous "I'll call you" text as I was leaving a voicemail, which I rarely do. It wasn't an angry voicemail, it was a frustrated voicemail. I demanded that we find a time that we can get together and discuss any questions he might have because I considered it rude that he would ask Lisa. Especially since he didn't approve of me asking his friends about his personal life when we were in a relationship.

I'm still waiting for his response. But I won't be waiting for long this time, I'm going to get him face to face sometime soon, even if I have to blow up his phone or "surprise" him at school or home. He obviously has questions, and I have answers. And a few extra comments to throw in.

Leticia is certain we'll reconcile and end up making out when I see him again. Leticia is an authority on my love life, she's been there through it all and even had some similar experiences. I want to prove her wrong, but sometimes I do miss him. Brain tumors can be removed but it requires a lot of work.

I think I'm ready for some Channing and Garrison.

Peace. Love. John.

2005-10-30T18:36:00.000-05:00

Peace on my wrist.
Love at first sight.
John, tattoo artist...

(and future father of my children.)

Haiku

2005-10-27T23:58:00.000-04:00

Always a smart ass.
You're ugly and you bore me.
Shut up. I hate you.

Sonar

2005-10-24T01:46:00.000-04:00

The lead singer of Wakefield

People In Planes

Guitarist for People In Planes

Like any normal human being, I do not particularly enjoy driving in traffic, or rather, being grid locked and not driving very much at all in traffic. I also don't like driving in the rain; people in this part of the country don't know how to drive in rain. Some drivers obey the 1/3 Rule, according to the Virginia DMV we are required to drive 1/3 less than the posted speed limit in rain and make sure our headlights are on. Some drivers decide that the smallest amount of precipitation is treacherous and drive only about 1/3 of the posted speed limit. Other drivers, including me, will drive the same speed in any weather, but safely of course. Needless to say, three different types of drivers on one rainy road is no fun, especially during rush hour.

This past Friday, Leticia and I had tickets to see the Bravery in Baltimore, MD. In normal driving conditions, it takes about an hour to drive to Baltimore. Last Friday, it been raining all day, and although I knew I should have left the house at noon, school and errands made it so I couldn't leave until 5:30 pm. BIG mistake. I'd never driven to Baltimore, it was rush hour, it was raining. It took me nearly TWO hours to get to Baltimore. I'm happy to say I didn't get lost, I only took one wrong turn, and I was even able to stop for food without loosing my way.

The venue for the show is called Sonar, it's a nice small lounge, the sort of places that only exist in cities. The doors opened at 8:00 pm and Leticia and I were able to get in a good place, almost center, behind one other person. It felt like Coldplay all over again, except this girl was about my height, and I don't share the same passionate love for the Bravery. This time I had no problem standing behind someone.

We waited almost an hour for the first opening act. In that time, I scolded Leticia for not letting me bring a sweater. It was Antarctic outside while we waited, and I only had on a long sleeved shirt. We talked about general topics, had a fag. She asked me about other concerts I'd been to, since I've suddenly become the big-concert-goer. Leticia told me that her co-worker also went to the Coldplay concert, and that she SAW, actually WITNESSED Chris Martin TALK TO ME. In Leticia's words, as her co-worker, "That was your cousin? She's so lucky. I saw him talking to someone on the big screen but of course I couldn't see who." THAT made my day. It'd sit in traffic for longer in two hours just for that sort of validation. It wasn't just a mirage in a frenzy of Coldplay passion, it actually happened. Chris Martin talked to me. And everyone there saw it. BE JEALOUS.

The show started finally started with the first opening act, Wakefield. They music was well played, the band dressed nicely, the lead singer is gorgeous. I enjoyed the music, but it's not really the sound I like. The second opening act was People in Planes. They were definitely not as well kept as Wakefield, the lead singer and guitarist had crazy bed head and they all looked like they hadn't showered in a while. But when they announced they were from "south Wales" with an almost unintelligible accent, I was intrigued. I love the UK. I should have it tattooed on my forehead.

Anglo-phile-ness aside, People in Planes were phenomenal. The music was inspired, the lead singer's voice was wonderful, and what I could understand of the lyrics was great too. Leticia and I had multiple musical orgasms; we reached a new level of music-induced high. Just like the lead singer, (I almost cried when I noticed had a wedding band) I was compelled to close my eyes and let me the music rush all over my body and soul. It was beautiful. The guitarist was amazing, at one point he lost his electronic connect and the music just started dying without him. Thanks to some loyal roadies, he recovered and played even harder than before. The guitarist even jumped into the crowed for a while. Leticia, fully mesmerized, tried to grab his crotch. Silly girl. I just patted his back.

By the time People in Planes finished their set, I was more than satisfied. I had a post music-orgasm fag, it was so good. I almost forgot that I came for the Bravery, but I was quickly reminded when the entire population of the venue decided they wanted to be in the front. Even before the Bravery began performing, the crowd became denser and the first signs of moshing appeared. Once the Bravery started performing, all Hell broke loose. I tired to enjoy myself as much as possible, but it was hard when I had to force my arm through people to hold onto the barricades so I wouldn't squash or be squashed. For almost an hour I was being humped, bumped, pushed, pulled, stepped on, looked at, yelled at. I smelled and saw things that weren't very pleasant. The experience taught me that I could NEVER EVER survive a real mosh pit. I would never want to be part of a real mosh pit. Not without full body armor and a weapon.

Despite all the battering, the Bravery performance was satisfying as well. At one point, the guitarist and lead singer jumped off stage and leaned WAY into the barricades. Naturally everyone started clawing at them, they were almost crowd surfing for a while. I nearly suffocated on the guitarist, he was yanked almost onto my face...he didn't smell very good. I also touched the lead singer's very hairy and sweaty arm; he sweats profusely. Early in the show, the lead singer kept stepping onto the speakers on the ground, for effect, and at one point the speaker tipped over and he nearly fell. It was pretty embarrassing, but he played it off pretty well. The bassist seemed scared to get into the crowd, and some of his "moves" set off my Gaydar. The synthesizer guy and drummer were in the back, they just seemed to be doing their job, not much emotion from them. They played some new songs, talked a little, it was good.

Leticia and I were breathless by the time the show was over. As we followed the crowd outside, we were VERY happy and surprised to see three of the guys from People in Planes, handing out a flyer. Naturally I wanted to talk to the guitarist first, and I grabbed a flyer from him, but Leticia grab my arm and yanked me over to the keyboardist. He slightly resembles Johnny Depp, and he was smoking on stage, so she decided to go over and introduce herself, and then propose. She had a flyer too, so we got an autograph. She asked him when they would be back to perform, he said maybe sometime in January. Then we moved onto the guitarist. In my best attempt not to sound like a dork, I told him how much I enjoyed his band, and that I needed more information. He thanked me with a beaming smile, and told me in his beautiful Welsh accent to check out the official website and their my space. He signed my flyer, and I promised him that I would check out the websites. Then we moved on to the lead singer. There is something about that lead singer that makes me want to hug him and make him my best friend. And brush his hair. He's so adorable, probably why he's married. He was also very very nice; I got his autograph too, praised him, and wished him the best of luck.

Leticia checked out the website as soon as she got home. We had met Gaz, the lead singer, Peter, the guitarist, and Ian, the keyboardist. Gaz, how fucking cute is that? I should have squeezed him. Oh well, maybe next time. There will definitely be a next time. I've already gotten on their mailing list, and downloaded as many songs as possible. I found out they were called Tetra Splendour once upon a time, and even released an album, which I bought on Amazon.com. Their first People in Planes album comes out early next year and then I'm guessing they'll tour, hopefully not as an opening band.

As Leticia and I drove home, we debated whether People in Planes was better than sex. We decided no, but I told her that when it came to Coldplay, there was no contest.

Random Thoughts

2005-10-20T00:10:00.000-04:00

Today as I was driving to work, I saw the sexiest thing I've ever seen in my life. A very attractive businessman, I'd estimate him to be in his early 30's, driving a sleek black BMW. I'm not typically attracted to the flashy-car-big-money-guy, but this guy was smoking, and he ashed, out of his sunroof. Call me crazy, because I know it's crazy, but as I drove behind him and witnessed this event of Super Sexiness, I became wild with the urge to drive up next to him and get a really good look at this God of Sexiness. So as a humble worshiper, I drove up next to him and probably freaked him out, because I said "Oh my God that was so HOT!" very loudly, even louder than my new Franz Ferdinand CD, the sound of the wind as I drove 75 mph with my windows down and even louder than the sound of my rapidly beating heart.

Why is it that every time I write a paper the night before it's due, which is every paper I've ever written, my printer decides to be the most malfunctioning piece of machinery in the world? I must have printed at least five other documents earlier this afternoon, but just because this paper is actually important, it absolutely will not print. I hate printers.

I'm going to see the Bravery in concert on Friday with my cousin Leticia. We are classic rock music lover/partners in crime and since school and work has kept me from a real social life, it will be nice to catch up with Leticia and some good music.

Lisa made friends with Mikahail Ovechkin, brother of Alexander Ovechkin, 2004 rookie and very soon to be all-star player for the Washington Capitals hockey team. Process that last sentence. There is a big chance that Lisa will become friends with these brothers, and one of them is an incredible athlete and extremely attractive. Looks like Lady Luck is shining down upon Lisa's "men's department." Hallelujah, it's about time!

I need a vacation, and I'm planning to take one during the month I have off from school, from December 20th to January 23th. I realized today that those dates are not as far off as they seem, November is saddling up for it's 2005 debut. I don't know where I want to go though, or who I want to come along with me, or if I even want anyone to come along. Any suggestions? If I had the cash, I'd be on my way to somewhere exotic, like Morocco, or India. Those plane tickets are well over a $1000 though, and that's a little more than my entire vacation budget. I guess we'll see in time. But I need to go somewhere!!

It's late kids, go to bed. Goodnight!

Time Flies

2005-10-19T14:10:00.000-04:00

Isabella is now offically a Roman Catholic. Doesn't she look like a Precious Moment? It's too much to bear, she's so adorable. Look at those teeth! It's almost heartbreaking how much she's grown, but it's nice to be able to see her progression.

NOVA Sluts

2005-10-11T01:00:00.000-04:00

Lisa decided she wanted to have a Roman orgy.

Just kidding.

This is my first "college party". What made it a college party? It was on Thursday night, everyone is over 18 and in college, and we all got drunk. It was fun.

Let me introduce you to some of the best NOVA Sluts:
Ray (facing the stairs): Lisa told me he was El Salvadorean and Irish and I became lightheaded. The features of an Irishman with the dance moves/language of a Latino?? Come on. Ray knows how to use this genetic gift to its full advantage.

Ian (orange shirt): He's also mixed, but with an actual Spaniard. It's really noticeable when he speaks Spanish, the Spaniards have that intentional lisp in some of their words that I never understood. Ian is tall, dancing with him was like a back massage, know what I'm sayin'? He called me a Yankee, but he's cute so I didn't take offense.

Katie (next to Ian): I love this girl, she's full American-Caucasian and she refuses to associate with anyone her own race. All her friends are Spanish or Black. I heard her say more than once that night, "Damn, I hate white people." She knows how to shake her ass and for a white girl, that's talent.

Alex/Dane (hiding behind Katie): I didn't really get to know him, besides that his real name is Dane and they call him his middle name, Alex. I told him he'd never be Alex to me, Dane is much cooler. He seems like a nice guy.

Lisa (bottom left corner): The hostess of the night, we've known each other for about 7 years and we've been best friends since high school. She's my star NOVA Slut (I'll explain that another time, no one pictured is actually a slut, it's a Lisa-Mendy-Brahim-Jay inside joke).

There were other people around the room, crashing everywhere after a long night of drinking and dancing. We played Truth or Dare, and then we had a Roman orgy.

Coldplay

2005-10-02T21:28:00.000-04:00

That Chris Martin fellow, he is a very talented young man...

The White Stripes

2005-09-29T22:54:00.000-04:00

Music Week

2005-09-29T01:41:00.000-04:00

Read and be jealous....

Tuesday:
White Stripes concert with Sam and Mel. Five solid hours of live music from three wonderful bands. First was M.Ward who is basically the pre-reincarnation of Bob Dylan. "Pre" because, as we all know, Bob Dylan is still very much alive. Still, M. Ward is probably the closest I'll ever come to seeing Bob Dylan perform. It's folk-rock with a good message. And a kick-ass drummer, who's a girl. I wanted to marry her.

The Shins performed next. They are wonderful, I am a fan, and you should be too. I fell in love with the keyboardist/bass player/guitar player/vocalist/tushy-shaker...adorable.

Then, drum roll please, the White Stripes. The stage was monochromatically mesmerizing. Jack White is so fucking talented it made me want to cry. Meg White, bless her soul (as Sam would say) is the cutest little thing. She was looking pretty hot too, rockin' leather pants. They played every song I wanted to hear, and so many more, for almost 2 hours. I had multiple musical orgasms.

And before all that, I bought tickets to a concert on October 21, 2005 to see the Bravery.

Wednesday:
I have officially become part of the MP3 player fad. My Creative Zen Micro came in today while I was at work. I bought it on Ebay and saved about $50, cool points for me. It's the reason I'm still awake right now, I've already loaded about 400 songs onto it. The first song I heard on my new little black and blue friend was Coldplay's "Clocks".

Why "Clocks"?

Because...

Friday:
Coldplay concert with Sam. I'm not a very religious person; I'm a Catholic mostly by tradition. Music is my religion; it's the only thing I really believe in. Experiencing good music is a religious experience. Experiencing good music live, less than 10 feet away from the creator of your salvation, is too overwhelming to even consider. I'm honestly scared I might faint. I already know I'm going to cry...no, I'm going to weep. Kleenex are absolutely necessary.

I have to go to sleep now before I get myself too excited to sleep. Then I'll be screwed.

I Heart British Boys

2005-09-20T22:49:00.000-04:00

Before I start, I must say, mentholated cough drops are quite the confectionery delight.

I'm in love with an English man. He's older than me, he's tall, thin, with short brownish hair and beautiful blue-gray eyes. I met him a while ago, it was love at first sight. But due to reasons beyond our control, I haven't seen him in a long time.

That all changed tonight. For the first time in weeks, I got to sit down and watch an entire episode of House. Dr. House, or Hugh Laurie, is my knight in shining armor. Don't google him, you'd probably question my sanity. He's probably old enough to be my daddy, but the way he plays Dr. House turns me on. Who'd you think I was talking about??

I didn't even know he was British. I was browsing through an old Entertainment Weekly and he was interviewed for some "hot summer shows" list. He likes motorcycles and think people in LA drive like baboons on crack. I thought that was funny. He's also married with teenage kids. I thought that was sad.

The first season of House is on DVD (ALERT: Christmas present). The second season started last week. I caught the second episode, it was hot. He saved this little 9 year-old girl with cancer. Then he snorted antihistamines. All in day's work for Dr. House. He's so dreamy.

Okay, so maybe my sanity is questionable. I just can't control myself when it comes to those crazy Brits...Jude Law, Hugh Grant, Ron Weasley, David Beckham, Chris Martin, Joseph Finnes, Paul Bettany, Kris Marshall, Prince William, Prince Harry, Prince Charles, Ringo Starr. Okay, the last two are a joke, but you get my drift.

Psychedelic

2005-09-16T00:25:00.000-04:00

It's the night of August 22, 2005, the birthdays of my cousins Leticia (17) and Mario (19). After a family-friendly celebratory dinner at the Red Lobster, Leticia, Mario, Denise (15, also cousin), and I walk to a remote part of Mario's neighborhood and smoke pot from the bowl Leticia got as a present from her best friend (what a great friend).

Twenty minutes later, we emerge from this dark remote place, high as kites. What do we do next? We decide to drive into Washington DC. We're driving, my aunt's car, with no particular destination in mind but we are enjoying ourselves, listening to music and laughing about everything and nothing. Eventually we decide to go to 14th Street, where the prostitutes roam. Except when we get there we realize it's too early and there are no prostitutes yet. Damn, we were disappointed. However, we did spot a rather unattractive transvestite in a short skirt, so the ride was not in vain.

As we're driving around, looking for prostitutes, I start taking pictures out the window. I ended up with a series photos that at the time, I thought were GENIUS. These pictures were going to make me a famous photographer, and everyone in the car had to stop and praise my photography. Sadly, my cousins told me to shut up and stop being buzz-kill. I still think they're pretty cool. This picture looks like three arrows pointing upwards.

After our drive in DC we visited my other cousin (I've got plenty of them, trust me) Fausto (19). It was also his birthday, and he was very deep into an substance-fueled celebration with his friends. Needless to say, it was a good night. I love my family.

Simple Pleasures

2005-09-15T22:24:00.000-04:00

I don't know about you, but the word "pleasure" makes me think about sex. This isn't going to be about sex though, so I'm sorry if I just made you think that I was going to talk about sex. Or if I just polluted your mind with thoughts of sex. Not that it's bad to think about sex. Just don't think about it right now, because this isn't about sex. Okay? Alright.

I was thinking today about the simple pleasures in life; the random and sometimes questionable things that I really like and make my life a little brighter. I thought I would share. Maybe a few will be relatable, some are unique to me, and I do expect many to be random and/or questionable.

Mendy's Simple Pleasures

peak autumn days when all the trees have changed colors and the air is cool and crisp
smoking the first cigarette of a fresh new pack
red hair (Ron Weasley...grrr)
sleeping in fresh bedsheets after a relaxing shower
during a snow storm, I like to watch movies in the living room with the window blinds up so I can also watch the snow fall
man hair (chest hair, leg hair, face stubble)
taking good pictures, especially during serious memory-making events
full-force thunder storms
finding money I didn't know I had
a fresh pair of contacts
waking up a few minutes before the alarm goes off and feeling extremely well-rested and ready for the day ahead
driving at night on an empty road
when a radio station plays a song I really wanted to hear
good kissers
stumbling upon a really good deal when I wasn't even really shopping
unexpectedly good parties
a really good dream about someone/something I wanted to dream about
thinking of a new outfit I've never worn before
watching "Sex and the City" and eating pineapple slices
organizing my room
when someone expected calls just to say "hi"
when I can make a mental to-do list that I know I'll be able to accomplish efficiently
wearing scarves Alfie-style
Bollywood movies
when my curls cooperate and look fantastic all day long
the way the ends of my hair feel after a haircut
going out to eat with friends and having a really good time
smoking pot with my cousins...that is always a hilarious adventure
when the air conditioning turns on just as I was thinking "It's hot."
popping pimples or tweezing myself or others
a good pedicure
laying in bed all day when I'm sick and overdosing on Nyquil and Vick's Vapor Rub while I watch daytime TV
sleeping in a t-shirt and underpants; I can't wear pants, shorts or long shirts to sleep, it drives me insane, even if I someone sleeps with me, I just can't do it
the first day of school
driving in the early morning
drinking coffee
watching old movies on TMC

I'm sure there are many more, but I need some sleep and I'd hate to bore anyone. It was definately fun to think of things that make me happy, makes me feel all light and fluffy on the inside, like little white bunnies frolicking in wildflower fields on a bright sunshiney day. I obviously need sleep, I'm becoming delusional.

Reflection

2005-09-11T23:07:00.000-04:00

I should be writing an English assignment right now but I've just watched a special about September 11th on the Discovery Channel and it's got me all stirred up. Before anyone makes any judgments based on their personal feelings of that day, I will admit that I was a part of the short-lived surge in patriotic passion four years ago and since then I've thought little about the events. I think the same can be said for the majority of the country. There was so much sensory overload for weeks afterwards and we were all constantly forced to re-live what happened and the feelings stayed fresh. After a while, the country moved on.

I'll never forget my personal account of the day, I'm extremely sympathetic to anyone who suffered directly or indirectly, and I wish America still felt that surge of patriotic passion...it was a good feeling.

I think this anniversary is a cause for increased reflection because of Hurricane Katrina. It's unpleasant to compare the two events. Both ended the lives of thousands of Americans, both destroyed buildings, both caused historical damage. Katrina was even more destructive and the long-term effects are more devastating. And yet, besides the media coverage, besides the pleas from victims, besides the attempts to help, I haven't sensed anything even close to the unification that September 11th caused. Like I said, it's pretty unpleasant to compare.

Reflecting on these events also makes me think of my own life and eventual death. Since September 11, 2001 I've personally dealt with death. My grandmother, who was the ideal matriarch, the pillar of our family, died on May 22, 2004.

It's extremely difficult to deal with the loss of a loved one. Since then I know I've developed a fear in loosing my friends and family. Not necessarily a fear in their death but a fear of loosing them in any way. I fear becoming emotionally detached to them, loosing their love, or trust, or faith, or becoming physically incapable of being with them. And unfortunately since then, I've had to experience those types of losses.

I have become emotionally detached to two very close personal best friends due to changes in their personal lives...first loves. It's a wonderful experience for them, and I tried to be supportive, but I found it very hard to do without constantly considering the fact that it was changing our friendship. Sometimes it felt like it was even destroying it. In order to preserve what remained, and to avoiding dealing with another loss, I know I've become very detached from them.

We (my friends/peers and I) have also experienced deaths in September 2003, October 2004, and June 2005. Schuyler, Laura, and Kelley, all who would have or did graduate with us, died in three unrelated accidents. Laura's death definitely effected me the most. She was my best friend in the sixth grade. She died in a car accident on a Sunday morning, on her way to a sporting event. She and I were going to be senior yearbook editors along with a couple other classmates. The last time we talked, we were looking over page templates and discussing college applications. She had just finished her early admission application to Yale. Laura was very intelligent; she would have definitely gotten accepted. We had to create the yearbook without her, and I really wish she had been there, because even though I know she would have dominated the project, which would have bothered me at times, we would have created a yearbook that we would have all been so much more proud of.

Most recently, I've lost the comfort and familiarity of high school. It was an easier transition than I expected, and I am happy for that.

I don't like to dwell on my losses, even though at times it can be very hard. Especially at times when it seems that so much of the negativity and stress in my life builds up and weighs me down. In those times I'm happy I can find outlets with certain friends and family members. Sitting peacefully and talking helps most of the times, sometimes I need to cause a little chaos during a night of debauchery to feel physical relief, but it's nothing harmful to others, and I always end up with hilarious memories and pictures.

I ended up going way off the topic of September 11th and way into my personal life but I knew I would. It's been four years, and a lot has happened to the United States and to me. I do hope that everyone takes time to reflect on their lives, not only on days like today, but everyday. It's a cheesy thought, and I should take my own advice, but it's nicer to have thoughtful happy feelings than over stressed worries.

Home Sweet Home

2005-09-05T04:08:00.000-04:00

I am an 18 year-old college student, I like to have fun and I live less than 20 minutes from all the best nightclubs in the nation's capital.

Red flags are waving. "Danger" signs are flashing. Sirens are blaring.

Yes, it is Sunday night I just got home from a night of dancing. It's Labor Day weekend, so Sunday is basically "Saturday the Sequel". Tonight I went to a club called Home with my lovely partner in crime, Ms. Lisa Reynolds.

First of all, Home needs to be renamed. Into "several floors of living rooms" because there's nothing really home-like about it besides a bunch of couches, unless you have a fully-stocked bar in every level of your home. And big bouncers dressed in black walking around. Then you'd be home sweet home.

The first time I went to Home with Lisa I wasn't really impressed. It wasn't really crowded, the music wasn't great, no one was really dancing, and most people were busy getting drunk. Tonight was completely different. The first hour was a little dull but by about 12:00 am the club was packed and everyone was dancing, drinking and really having a great time.

Most of the time we go out, Lisa and I might each find one or two guys we'll dance with throughout the night. Tonight felt like we were the only girls in the club. One guy after another asked us to dance all night long. We were loving it. And the guys must have loved us too, we each were asked for our phone numbers more than once.

I met a really nice Indian guy whose name I forget, Arman or Anmar. I also met Anthony, who was slightly intoxicated, but gorgeous and a sweetheart. Lisa met Neil, who was very cute and very funny, and a couple other guys she didn't get names from.

It was a great night and I remained a loyal girlfriend to my beloved Brahim. Lisa was very proud of me. I didn't think it was such a difficult task. I consider the guys I meet at clubs to be like PG one night stands. It's dark, you have a little fun, and the intoxication of alcohol and/or atmosphere wears off, you probably never want to see them again. Yep.

Ash in America

2005-09-03T17:37:00.000-04:00

It doesn't seem natural. All this time, any mental image of Sam, Ash and I was somewhere in London. In his flat, at some historical landmark, in a pub. But there they are, sitting in my bedroom, no where near London, and I'm there too, behind the camera.

It's been fun. I know Ash is leaving tomorrow with a few new experiences, all of them wonderful. In a way, I guess we returned the favor a little bit.

Random Thoughts

2005-08-24T22:00:00.000-04:00

Classes start on Monday. I'm actually ready and willing to go back to school. I never thought I'd say that.
I celebrated the birthday of my 3 cousins on Monday. No, they're not triplets. Three separate cousins born on the same day. Mario and Jose were born two hours apart, one in El Salvador one in Virginia, on the same day. Two years later Leticia was born. Now they're 19 and 17. It was a BIG celebration.
I finally got my car back today. It cost me more than I'm willing to admit to but it feels SO good to have it back. I love driving.
Community college (NOVA) started on Monday. Most of my friends are going there and everyday they see more people we know. I feel like I'm missing out on grade 13 or something. I only semi-know 3 people going to my school, and I probably won't ever see them, we all have different majors.
My friend Jai who introduced me to my boyfriend met Leticia today. He thinks she's cute. She thinks he's cute. Jai is the most shameless womanizer I know. If I thought Leticia couldn't take care of herself, I'd be worried. She's smart though, maybe they'll have a little fun. She deserves it.
I'm going out with Brahim tomorrow. I haven't seen him since August 8th due to an endless series of events. Mostly in my personal life. I'm excited to see him, I've missed him more than I'm willing to admit.
Ash from England arrived today. I went to the airport with Sam and waited for almost two hours and in that time, her excitement rubbed off on me. We're standing, waiting, excited, laughing it up. Ash walks through the gate and 1.2 seconds after he spotted us I literally had to jump, twist, and land on the ceiling to avoid 1. being run over by the luggage trolley hurtling towards me after he let go of it to grab Sam and 2. being knocked over by Ash himself. I should have kept in mind that the only reason he traveled 4,000 miles was to see Sam. I don't like to use my "Crouching Tiger" skills in public.
My friend Brian has a crush on his co-worker named Jesse. If something goes down between them, he will be the third close friend of mine to find a boyfriend named Jesse. Hopefully this Jesse won't be a cunt like the other two.

Woman of the World

2005-08-19T00:34:00.000-04:00

On August 29th, I will become Mendy: College Student. I'm not exactly looking forward to it. I'm going to George Mason University, a convenient 20 minute drive from my home sweet home. I decided against dorm-life and foreign locations, like southern Virginia. I don't really feel the need to live the full college experience. At least not this year.

Like many college Freshmen, I have absolutely no idea what I want to major in. I'm interested in many things, but nothing that I could actually make a career out of without natural talent. Like photography, I love photography, I've studied the basics in high school, but its a freelance career. I need a little more security in my young life.

Whatever I do end up choosing to major in, I want it to be something I can put to use around the world. That is the only thing that I am positive about the future, I want to travel. I'm not sure when or where I'll receive my degree, or in what subject. I don't know if I'll ever get married or have children. I don't know what my career is going to be. I don't know where I'll live in the future. The only thing I know is that I want to be a woman of the world.

I am fascinated by different cultures. The language, religions, customs, clothing, music. It's all beautiful to me. I love that the human race is so varied in the ways that we function. And besides the actual people, their are so many beautiful places in the world. Natural and man-made.

So far, London is the only place I've ever traveled to. I went with Sam. That's us at the Tower Bridge. London is a great city, full of history. I was surprised by the British culture. I always believed that we shared a similar culture, I was wrong. We are so different from them, our English language is even different. But I love it. I should be going back with Sam this winter.

I'm also planning to go to Ireland next spring break. I'm not sure if I'll be able to, but Ireland is definitely on my destination list. Other places would be Italy, Greece, Egypt, Morocco, Paris, Amsterdam, Thailand, Australia, and India.

Definitely India. It might sound weird, but I feel a spiritual connection to India. I don't even know anything about the land or the people but every little thing I do learn is fascinating. Whenever something about India is on TV, I'll watch it, even if I don't understand a word they're saying. The music is intoxicating.

For now, I'm stuck in the USA, and I'm okay with that. I still have some growing to do. But as soon as I'm secure enough financially and professionally, I don't plan on sticking around. I'll be on plane to somewhere. Or exploring. Taking pictures the whole time.

Puppies

2005-08-18T16:31:00.000-04:00

I went to Old Town last night with Lisa, and when I got back home and walked into the kitchen for a glass of water, I nearly tripped on a dog cage. We don't have a dog. Dogs aren't even allowed in our neighborhood.

I investigated and found out we were dog-sitting for my cousin Sergio and his family. Sergio is going to start Virginia Tech this fall, and the whole family had to go and make sure he was comfortable.

Macy is a Jack Russell Terrier, I think. He looks like Wishbone, except with less spots and a bit bigger. He's a sweetheart, we've already become couch-potato buddies. It's funny that I'd end up with a dog for a few days when lately a lot of my friends have been saying I should get a pet, to relieve stress. I've never had a pet, besides a hamster that died a few years ago. Her name was Olivia. She wasn't very friendly.

It seems nice, to have a little creature who's always around, not a care in the world, no capacity for judgment or argument. Sounds like a baby. Anyway, dogs are nice, but I think I might prefer cats. They seem to have more personality. If I were to ever get a cat or dog I'd name it Puppy or Kitty. Just because that's always what I call them, regardless of age or size or prior naming.

I Heart Photography

2005-08-18T02:06:00.000-04:00

I might lack inspiration from everyday life, but a photo is definitely always worth a thousand words.

This is Sara Isabella. We just celebrated her first birthday. Isabella is the first child of my cousin Sara and her husband Carlos.

Isabella and her mother were named in honor of my grandmother, who passed away very unexpectedly in May 2004. It was a very difficult time for my close-knit family. For my young cousins and I, it was the first time we had experienced death.

I had a dream a few weeks after Isabella was born. My grandmother was sitting in a rocking chair with Isabella in her nursery, peacefully rocking her in the dark. I like to think of the dream as a message from my grandmother, acknowledging the birth of her third great-grandchild, the first little girl.

"She's having a bad day."

2005-08-15T22:48:00.000-04:00

My cousins Denise (15) and Vicky (13) are spending a few days with us while their parents canoodle in Virginia Beach celebrating their 18th wedding anniversary. They let me use their old mini van as a borrowed form of transportation. Family rules.

So, we're leaving for the mall around 1pm today and notice a swarm of police cars a block down the street. We're curious, but not enough to delay our shopping adventure.

We went, we shopped, we conquered.

When we got back home at 4pm, most of the street had been taped up with that "PLEASE DO NOT CROSS THIS LINE" police tape. Policemen are stationed for several blocks all around. We even saw some SWAT-looking people. Now we're interested.

I called my friend Brian, who lives near the now chaotic scene. He told me that he'd been evacuated along with all his neighbors but they weren't exactly sure why. They were safe at the recreation center across from our neighborhood. Brian said he did notice that the policemen were surrounding the home of a lesbian he's friends with. It was his guess that her girlfriend had lost her mind. And she had a gun.

It was all the information I could get. A few more hours went by, we ate dinner, I took my little sister and cousins to get ice cream. Around 8pm and I found a very attractive policeman to question about the situation:

"There's a young lady, and apparently she's having a bad day. She's locked herself in her home and she has weapons. She's not cooperating with the officers, who knows how long we'll be here."

Having a bad day??

I just stuck my head out the window. They're still out there. It's almost midnight.

Broke Down Car

2005-08-12T16:25:00.000-04:00

My car broke down this morning. It made me want to step out of the car and into oncoming traffic. Obviously, I didn't. Now I'm going to have to spend several hundred dollars to have it repaired. I should have walked into the traffic.

At least it didn't happen last night, when I was driving around lost in DC. In 4-inch heels. Because Lisa wanted to go to a nightclub. We finally found the nightclub, only to discover a mile-long line to get in. We waited about 30 minutes before we decided it wasn't worth a $20 entrance fee and the footache.

If my car had broken down last night, then I definitely would have walked into oncoming traffic. And taken Lisa with me.

I love driving. I love my car. I hate that my car broke down. And that it's going to cost a pretty penny to repair. And that I have a blister the size of an egg on my foot.

The Art of Blogging

2005-08-10T00:21:00.000-04:00

I guess this would be a good time to announce that I am a fraud. I am not a true blogger. A true blogger would be my best friend Sam. She's actually the inspiration for this "blog". Sam is dedicated. She reads countless blogs, several of which she has introduced to me. My favorite is Dooce. Dooce is a genius. Sam's also a genius. She's recently started her own blog, where she can display her excellent writing skills and proficiency in what I call 'the art of blogging'.

The art of blogging is a technique used by true blog writers. It's a writing style that is unique to blogging. True bloggers have the ability to take readers on a journey into their lives and minds. They are easy to understand and relate to. They are dedicated and inspired by everyday life. And they entertain their readers.

I haven't even begun to master the art of blogging. I would call this an interactive online journal. I'm not really attempting to entertain anyone besides myself. And I think I lack the dedication and inspiration. I do hope that I will be able to take readers on a journey through my life and mind. There's not always a lot going on in my life, but there's never a lack of activity in my mind. I've written journals for over five years, so I write the way I think and feel, which might sometimes be difficult to understand.

Once more I welcome readers. If I'm entertaining to anyone so far, I'm very happy about that. If not, maybe you should try Sam's blog.

Welcome

2005-08-09T01:27:00.000-04:00

This is my fifth attempt at a first entry.

Attempts #2-4 were all in the span of 7 hours earlier today/yesterday. Seven hours full of interruptions that left me frustrated and uninspired. I took a break, and now I'm refreshed and ready to write, thanks to a fag and an episode of "Sex and the City".

"Sex and the City" is a great show, I don't care what anyone else thinks. If I were ever to meet the writers of that show, I'd bow down and praise them. I'll admit, it's a "chick" show. I'm not a "chick" kind of girl. Sure, it's fun to be a girl, I love shoes, but I'm not a fan of getting together with a bunch of girls and talking about our periods, boyfriends, fashion, and hot celebrities. I just believe that the writers of "SATC" were genius to take everything about love and sex and apply it to four friends who go through many situations and many many different men. It's easy to relate to. Friends, sex and love. It's great.

Love.

I believe love is a fragile mind-blowing life-altering force that I have yet to experience. Not that I'm complaining, I'm only 18 years-old. I feel that I am ready for a first love, but I won't force it, especially not with my current boyfriend.

His name is Brahim, he's from Morocco, also 18 years-old. I met him through our mutual friend Jai on my birthday, June 10th. I spent that night, and the nights after senior prom and graduation with him, Jai, and my close friend Lisa. Those are some memorable nights, and spending them with Brahim was definitely wonderful.

It's been almost two months now, and he's become a complete mystery to me. I wouldn't say that I'm an extremely outgoing or friendly person, but people really amaze me. I love to studying and analyzing personalities and behavior. Brahim isn't like anyone I've ever met. Every time I think I'm starting to understand a little bit of who he is, he'll do or say something that will totally confuse me. The worse part is that I know he does it on purpose. He's smart. It's frustrating.

In some ways, Brahim reminds me of Jim Morrison, who I adore with all my heart and soul. He was an insane contradiction of personality. I don't adore Brahim, no, but I'm fascinated by him. I didn't even know Jim Morrison but he and his music has changed me. Who knows what kind of affect Brahim will have on me in the end?